The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Monday, August 29, 2011

A brief look into my heart! Yes Lord you are!

This post was written over a two day period after church yesterday!


                    Can I share something with you some things I'm learning about the character of God!  As I sip on my smoothie, I am in awe of God in so many ways!  I must begin by admitting that I'm a girly girl!  I love make up, and dress up!  I'm tender and yet strong, when I need to be.  At my very core, I'm an idealist.  I love happily ever after!  So now, you are thinking to yourself, I thought you said your were going to talk about the nature, of God, well I am, but hold on a minute.  I finally admitted several years ago to God and others that my desire was to be a wife and a mom.  I know it  is rather 1950ish, see above!    I know that the life of a wife and mom is not glamorous or applauded.  Still my heart is where it is.  When I was much older, I would day dream about how I would love my husband and children, but when people would ask me, I'd say no I don't want kids,  deep DOWN knowing I wanted children more than air!   Marriage and children are hard and no piece of cake, if it were easy there would not be high divorce rates, and staggering abortion rates.  I know all the practical reasons I should not expect to be married and have children,       When you work with a pregnancy Center and have these desires, it is both rewarding and hard at the same time, yet I need to know that I'm aiding someone in becoming a mommy!  It is often hard me to not want to "mother" other peoples children.  When I was little, and even as a teenager, I would become very mother-some to my brother until I understood he only needed one mom!    The Lord showed me today that this desire I have, though not a bad one is hindering me from worshiping the Lord, and loving as He is Worthy!  He is good and he is right!    For some time now I have sensed the Lord asking me?  T.J.  Do you believe I'm enough for you?  I''ve been pretending I did not hear him. Then today, I could not run any more.  I did not want to answer, because to be honest, if I say yes then, my life needs to match such a declaration and if I say no then I'm I a hypocrite.  So I told the Lord I want to trust He is enough, not just as my Savior, but as my Father, as my Comforter Friend, and Almighty God!  My main purpose is not to be a writer mom, wife, Daughter,  it is to be a Worshiper of the King of Kings, I am to live for his glory, his honor his fame, not mine.  Now all the titles I listed above are means through which we can offer our Worship to the Lord, but often what we/ I tend worship is our dreams, our titles, our wants, instead of the Lord who alone is worthy of WORSHIP.  It's funny, but about a month or more ago, I asked the Lord to make me deeply aware of his Love and Fatherhood to me  as his child and He shown himself to be true.  I asked him to bring healing to my Mom's life, and he has!  Have I always gotten what I wanted when I wanted it, no  praise God!  Over and over again, in the Bible and in my life, God has shown Himself to be sufficient in all things!   Will I still have questions, that go unanswered, you bet, will I still long for things yes, but my dreams are on the altar of God, and there is no better place for these to be!  Whether our earthly dreams come true, or not, God has been enough, and He is enough, and even on the days when we struggle to believe He is enough, he still is!  So what desire is God directing you to continually or currently place upon his altar as a sincere expression of worship? Food for thought!