Standing on The Promises!

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I don't know if most of you are still with me, but mom starts her second round of chemo tomorrow, and I covet your prayers for her health, healing, and well-being!  Also for us as a family well.   I don't have a long message for you tonight, but God keeps giving me the same message, and I want to share it with you!  1. God is for You!  In others words if you belong to him, He is always on your side...  If you are like me you may be tempted to think that when bad things happen in life, it is somehow a sign God is mad at you or that He is against you, but He is Not!    This comforts me to know He God is for me and you!  2. God says No matter what happens He will work it out for those who love him and are called according to his purpose!  Romans 8:28 is your proof!  3. He promises never to leave or forsake his children!  4.  He promises us that no matter what trials we face, we will not and cannot be separated from the amazing love of God!  I am clinging tightly to these realities, and I hope that these minster to you as they have me!  Good night blogland!   

Stretched and BLESSED!

Hi bloggers:

Several times I have written posts only to delete these later...  A   year ago today, I  was traveling to a women's conference, and little did I know that a week later I would be invited to go to Michael W, Smith's  home....  My mom was in remission for the second time, and life was lovely.  READ about it Here and also Here Time of my Life  Today my friends went to the conference again this year,and I wish for them a wonderful time.  I cannot begin to tell you all the ways God has blessed and stretched my family and  I the last 3 months.  God has provided Physically, monetarily and emotionally for all of us!  Even when it seemed things were unraveling, God''s people have stepped up and the riches of God's grace has sustained in every way.  It has not always been pretty, but it's been true, and it has been real.  People from our church have been remarkable!  Every night when needed meals have been brought to us!  God has been faithful, granting his peace and Presence at each turn.  I'm sorry for my lengthy periods of silence.  There were times a few weeks ago, when I was fearful and frustrated that mom kept having setbacks  To see her now, you would never imagine how sick she was!  She has shown amazing courage.  I"m getting my mom back!  As I think, I mentioned in earlier post doctors seem very Optimistic about a long term recovery.  The cancerous tumor is gone, and I praise the Lord for more time to enjoy her!  I am sad for a friend who found out there is nothing more that can be done medically, for her mom who has fought long and hard battling cancer.  My heart aches for her, as I know we are no more deserving than she and her family.  I see suffering and hurt everywhere through violence or natural disaster, and sickness.  To be honest, I still cannot fathom what would happen, if my plea for mom's healing from God was No but on some level, I know that as long as I have eternal hope in Jesus, I really can face whatever comes.  Would I need the Lord to carry me, and grant me the will to keep going, yeah you better believe it!  I KNOW MY GOD IS ABLE!  I KNOW I HAVE A HOPE BEYOND THIS LIFE!  I KNOW THAT HE IS FAITHFUL AND HE CAN HANDLE ME, THROUGH THE GOOD AND BAD. ONE OF THE AMAZING TRUTHS ABOUT GOD IS HE DOES NOT ABANDON HIS OWN!  What do you know about God that gets you through the impossible?  

TO BE CONTINUED!

Hello Bloggers:

Where I live it has been like spring time this week and I just love it!    To be honest, I have not felt much like writing or blogging because I've been having pain in my good hand and neck.  Plus, I have a little more on my plate to arrange my own care while mom both prepares and recovers from surgery.  The last couple days have been stressful, and I've felt like i'm carrying the weight of the entire world upon my shoulders.  I won't make mom's surgery or cancer the primary focus of this post, but her surgery is Feb. 23rd at 12:30.  I am learning that my pride shows up in the illusions of control.  When illness comes to a family member, and I guess even more to the person who has the illness, the false sense of control we think we have is shattered!  The world does not stop, because trials come, but with cancer, as with many other crises in life, there is a robbing of security, no matter how False it is, that does not in most cases return.  Since it is false, in so many ways it is a positive, for Christians to discover when we are trusting in false security, instead of Christ who is our security. It is hard to even realize that you are trusting in things like health or __ fill in the blank, until suddenly that thing is shattered.  Today, I found out that a lady who helped me get plugged in to Choices, where I volunteer died yesterday of Pancreatic cancer.  If she had promoted the ministry, and invited a Choices staff member to our church.  I would have missed out.  One of the topics I had on my list was Romans 4.  I have to stop this post in the middle, as life calls me but I will continue my thoughts next post...  Sorry 

Prayers please!

Sometimes life throws us curve balls, and what we plan gets put on hold.  I cannot express to you how much I wish I could tell you about the potential crisis my family and I could be facing.  All I am at liberty to say to say is that your prayers are needed.  I'm having trouble coping with this.  I know there are people are praying for me, as I have peace today for the first time since Monday.  Folks I'm not going to lie here.  The possible situation is magnified by my own battles with anxiety.  I know that God loves me, and he will be faithful as he has always been, but my faith is shaky.  God is good I know this.  Yes I'm a Christian, even though I believe the enemy is trying to bring that in question.    Perhaps I'm far too transparent for the blogging arena.   I'm in a battle, and I am not going down without a fight!!!!  I've never claimed to be perfect, in fact, I'm probably as messed up as they come.  I don't mean to over spiritualize here, and others may mock me, and not understand why this hit me so hard, but, I know God accepts me warts and all, so would you please pray for me?  Thank you so very much!  I will work on my blog list as soon as I can!  I appreciate you!

Half Full Friday & Humor & Truth Collide!

                                             Humor is a gift in Dark times.  I never knew anything about her, or knew about her much prior to this, but what courage!  By the way, I'm taking a break from Facebook, so if you need me e-mail me.  I know God is working, and wants to show me big things 2011.

• I am Joyful to have friends praying me this week.
• I am joyful for my great blog readers and their comments.  
• I am joyful that yesterday I faced a fear.
• I am joyful because I can now take a shower instead of just a bed bath.
• I am Joyful, because of sweet moments with Jocelyn Claire.
• I am joyful because of moments of humor!

Wandering Blog-LOVE AIN'T EASY!

Hi Bloggers.

      As I'm sure you've noticed this blog has been a bit here there, and everywhere lately.  Try as I might to reign this writer in, I just can't seem to gain focus or develop a big picture.  I am well aware that this is because lately I've been "feeling" like there are few things I'm doing well, I know when I'm going down a road like this it is a slipery slope for me.   In the past few weeks, I've become almost so performance driven that even the "work" I enjoy doing has seem more like a chore to me.  I know that at the root of what is bothering me is a broken relationship with someone I love very much, and yet it is such a struggle for me to love this person most days, I have never in my life bent over backwards for someone, as I have this person  and when this person walks into the room silence between us is unbearable, and I'm utterly helpless in fixing the situation.  The anger that rises between us is volcanic, and somehow years of that unspoken resentment, has led to uncomfortable and awkward silence.  I have prayed countless prayers, sought endless counsel, and cried an ocean of tears, and this week a simple trivial issue, once again left me with hurt feelings and a rage that took me 48 hours to settle.  I CRAVE this person's love so bad, it is like a child waiting for affirmation from a parent.I know no matter what has happened this is an unfair burden to expect from this person  I went through similar craving for my dad, and seemed to be longing for the same in this situation, but the rejection hurts much more, because it is so direct and seems purposefully targeted. This person is not bad, and at the end of the day, if they called and said they needed me, I would drop everything, yeah I know it is kind of unhealthy   Anyway I learned this week that I tend to keep a mental record of the wrongs done to me by this person, or the wrongs I've done to this person.Ironic because I don't hold grudges with most people  So as I read the Love Chapter in the Bible this week, I asked God to take away my scoreboard, and while I'm a long way from restoration, I found freedom in this baby step.  I realize my blog was meant all along to reflect a devotional format, but I must go through the lesson, and work through it before it can be counted as a lesson learned.  Learn from my mistakes...  "Love is not easily angered, it keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS." 1 Cor. 13:5

Mom's Health Update/June 8th... Here we go again...But I will Praise YOU!

Note from T.J. This is my mom's health update, not the ideal we hoped for, but we praise the Lord at all times....   Thank you for your prayers we need them!  I know it could be far worse, but I am disappointed. T.J.

In March I told you that I would have a follow up PET Scan within three months. Last Tue. (6-1-10) I had the PET Scan and I have been in waiting for the past 6 days for the results! The results were not what I had hoped for, but God knows what he is doing and so I will just continue to allow him to work through and within me to accomplish what he has planned. I still have a spot in the anal area and it has gotten bigger than it was three months ago. Dr. Lorenzo plans to put me to sleep on Monday (6-14-10) and make some deep cuts for some biopsies to see if there is cancer back in that area. I will not know the results of those biopsies for at least 5 days! Now the good news is that I will have time to read those 5 books on my bed side table that I have not had time to read in the past 6 months. Ha! The bad news is that if it is cancer then we will be looking at surgery again to remove the cancer. My hope is that it is not cancer, but looking at the past two summers it is a little hard to get my hopes too high on being in remission.




The PET Scan also shows a highlighted area in the jaw area again. This maybe nothing and it could be that the lymph nodes in that area are enlarged. Time will tell on this one! It is the same as last time so it is not bigger! I am suppose to see Dr. Johnson on Thurs. (6-17-10) and get his intake on all of this so I will have blood work and everything done at that time to see if it tells us anything also.



On June 2, 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer. It has been a very long road, but God has been with me all the way and I will continue to trust him to guide me. Psalm: 91:1-2 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “HE is my refuge and my fortress,” My God in whom I trust.” I again will ask for your prayers in the coming days as we go through the testing and the future of battling the beast I call “CANCER”! It seems too rare its ugly head up when you least expect it! God always places people and things in your life just when you need them. I had just begun to read a book called, “Count it All Joy” by Don Maiden, and it has already blessed me and helped me to remember that I will still continue to praise God in good and bad times. Love, Madeline Ellis

Don't miss the Sunsets!

Picture from Google images and Lodgingforvacations.com

I am home with the end of bronchitis... I feel fine, but if I talk for any period of time, I s start to cough like mad. I did not go to Choices today, but none of this is what I wish to share with you. The last few weeks, my life seems to be one roller coaster after another, and yesterday nearly every fear I have suppressed came roaring to the surface. It was not that something bad happened, in fact the potential for something good seems to be possible. Still all day yesterday, it seemed there was this dark cloud of fear and hopelessness around me. i went outside yesterday, and the breeze and the warmth of the sun, and this is what I sensed the Lord whisper into my soul! "Don't worry about tomorrow child." "Don't let the troubles of tomorrow, rob you of joy today." You would be right if you are now saying to yourself the Bible has always said this it is nothing new. I have heard it so many times, but the reality of that has brought condemnation to me not freedom. That is until yesterday... Yesterday was different, yesterday it was like a breath of fresh air. I have been so bogged down by the fear of what could be that I have missed the joy of what is. What is is that my mom is here with me. What is, is that at this moment my NEEDS are met. What is, is that, the only place my focus needs to be is upon the here and the now. What is is that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me. There are few guarantees in this life, and that is the part that lately has shaken me. Sometimes isn't just a day at a time, sometimes it is one hour or one minute. As a person with a battle with anxiety there is nothing more bizarre or shocking to my system than living in the moment. I don't want to miss the joy of now, because of my fear of later. The Lord knows I cannot handle the what if of tomorrow, all I can take hold of and should take hold of is the what is of today! I don't want to miss the sunset moments, because there is a possibility of rain.

Coming Clean!

I am not sure if this post is for my readers or for me but I need to do this. I have struggling for weeks on and off with my relationship with God. I don't know if it is apathy or hardness or what? I desired so much that the trials God has allowed in our lives recently would draw ever closer to God, and there have been times when this has been the case! I just cannot figure out when it was that I became inconsistent? Was it when mom had surgery all the chores or was it the craziness of it all? Did it begin then? Is it the constant list of excuses or the endless questions that continue to linger in my head in recent weeks. Questions that would cause most reasonable people to wonder if I am a christian at all. OK so, I know that's a bit extreme, but you get the idea. One thing I know is things need to change, more than that, it has to change! The one thing God continues to impress upon me is a word that I posted more than a month ago. Prov. 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not rely on your own understanding. I am finding that the first step to learning to trust God and love God more is to admit my lack of trust. Before you pounce on me for typing that, I know that God is worthy of not just my trust, but my ongoing praise. He has carried my family ever step of the way, and for that I will give him praise!!!!!!!!! The truth is though, I am plagued with doubts and fears at times waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wondering why some get permanent healing, and then others only get healing for a little while. There are lots of others who don't get healing they long for until heaven, and then the hurting continues for their loved ones. You might wonder why I would be wrestling with these questions now, when all signs point to my mom's cancer being gone. I cannot give you an explanation, because I'm searching for one as well. There is a part of me that wonders, if God will somehow punish me or mom for my lack of belief that I've tried so hard to keep below the surface. I know no matter how messed up, I am, God is still God, and it's time to stop running from the truth, and run into the arms of Truth HIMSELF! Thank you for letting me write out loud!

Cancer Back, and Prov. 3:5-6

Hi gang:

Hope all is well your way. We found out this week that my mom's cancer has returned. I don't know the extent of it yet. She is having a Pet scan on Thurs, and a surgical biopsy. I think I knew it was coming, and that is why my mood has been lacking. God has comforted me, and I know he will be faithful. I know we all have trials and we must cast our cares upon Christ. I do not know what you maybe facing in your lives, but I am reminded that we must not rely on our own understanding, but we must trust our God who understands all things! Prov. 3:5-6 Blessings,

T.J.

I''m enjoying your blogs!