in Loss there is still Beauty!

I have not posted in a few weeks, and this isn't a post that will appear on my Facebook or twitter page.  This  is  not post many will applaud or click about.    On June 21st my dad passed away.  I know I didn't talk about him or write about him.  My parents divorced years ago, and I had not seen my dad in 5 years.  Though I called to check on him every so often.  His death for me was sudden and yet in so many ways was something I knew would come years before it every happened.  As you know in the last 5 years my focus has been on my mom's cancer battle and I will never regret that.  I was the last one to speak with him from here as far as I know.  My dad often would tell me that all of life,was about loss, to which I would say, but in loss you gain.  My dad was not a bad man, he was a man who loved in his own way, and on his own terms.  He was  a dreamer.  He loved me. For all the things I don't understand about his life, I know that.  When Jesus died on the cross his followers thought there hope was gone vanished without a trace, but it wasn't gone it was still ahead.  Jesus would rise from the dead, and fulfill the hope he promised. What does all this have to do with my dad?  Well, when I was young I lost my mom's car keys, and we never found those again.  Losses are strange, things you think you might not mourn, suddenly catch one off guard. So tonight I acknowledge the value of my dad's life, and who  he was.  I am thankful for for what he was able to offer me.  You see God shows me that he gives us permission to explore the losses we don't understand. And in every loss no matter the kind, there is something beautiful to be discovered, and hope to  be gained.  There is purpose and joy even I'm loss.  Tonight. I'm thankful, not because my dad lived a perfect life, but because he lived life period, and because his life is part of me, and that matters,  Have you ever found joy despite pain that caught you by surprise?  In my own way. I loved him too, and I'm thankful for the chance to have loved him as he was, for that yes was a gift I refuse to let be taken from  me.

My First time to Guest Post!

Hi friends...

   Please hope on over to my first ever guest post.....  I'm super excited, here is the link Jenn's Blog thanks enjoy!

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Have you Found Your Voice Yet?

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           The image above may seem slightly humanistic to some for me, that isn't it's meaning.  I remember a little boy who wrote a book called heart-songs before passing away of an incurable illness.  I''m learning that God has entrusted me with my own voice. By the way, you know I don't mean the singing kind of voice right?  Lately, It has been  a struggle to really find the voice I have been entrusted with, instead of submitting myself to the molding of the voice God designed for another person.  If you have ever seen the TV show "the Voice," then you know often the judges will say find your own style make the song your own.  As Christians, we may find ourselves coveting or trying to copy someone  else in their God ordained path, trying to mimic other people's talent's or gifts.  I was reminded today God is not stingy in the area of his gift giving!  We need to look no further than Christ's death on the cross to see that.  We can fall into at least two traps.

One- We may see our voice and gifts and talents as inferior to others.  There are times when I feel my voice and gifts are lacking, and  inferior by comparing, and what an insult and disrespect it must bring to my Creator.  Comparison is the key word here...  Two, there are times when I/we pridefully think our gifts and talents are superior to others.  Here is sure sign we might be doing this- if we dismiss or put down the gifts, skills, and talents or become irritated with others: when their voice does not match ours.  It might be in subtle ways.   Another example, might be this is the way I am, and I don't need to examine my flaws.  I am reminded of this, when I am not willing to adjust to my new mattress, and refuse to stop sleeping on the other one, because its uncomfortable to my body.  it has been months since I got the new one.  Likewise, spiritually, I can be resistant to change, and sometimes miss the chance to grow.  Both these choices, inferiority and superiority are displeasing to God.I am guilty of both sinful perspectives.   God wants us to accept the gifts, entrusted not only to us, but to accept both the voice and gifts gives others too. For example, my God given way of viewing life, is through a heart of mercy.  It flows out in ways, I don't notice.  My mom's heart and voice exude faith and giving practical hands on service, as well as making the world a more beautiful place with her creative crafts.   All these gifts come from the Father's hand, and reflect the Father's Heart.     Where are you in the process of using your God given given voice and gifts? 
 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:10  It cannot become any clearer than this verse.  
Now for those of you still with me, I'n a day late, but I'm excited to link up with the coming alive party @ Jenn's blog
What made me come alive this week:

1. Loving on people who hurt
2. Seeing God work in and through me.
3. Church last Sunday
4. Dinner with friends and ice cream with my mom.
5. Sunshine and summer weather.
6. Seeing God work on my behalf 
7. Mom's laughter.

Everything Matters with Prayer!

  this post was written last week....  Due to hand pain I am only posting it now....

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         I want to tell those of you who read this blog how much I value your feedback.  Your support from my previous post was such a blessing to me... Let me open with a question, Do you pray about your stuff?  What I'm asking do you talk to God about you daily stuff?  As a little girl, I remember thinking that God didn't really care much about the little things in my life.  I thought God only cared about sick and dying people.  As I got older, I /discovered I loved praying for others with all kinds of needs, and even become known as the prayer warrior in some circles.  Secretly, I had full faith in God's willingness to answer my prayers on behalf of others, but believed God saw my needs and wants as trivial.  The last couple of years, God has shown me that  prayer is a gift that enables me to come to Him in total dependence upon Him!  I am learning that with God there is no topic too deep or shallow for prayer.  I long to teach children this, so that they know prayer isn't just a thing to be done before dinner.  I knew these scriptures that said pray about everything, but I didn't really think it meant EVERYTHING.  As I read the Bible, I am starting to see that those who pray about everything are the people who are the most content lives  in Joshua 9 the Israelites were deceived by the Gibeon people, who requested a treaty to save there lives.  In many cases Joshua and Israel sought God before taking action.  In this case, scripture does not say or imply this here.  They did not consult God about what to do when approached by these neighbors regarding a treaty.  I cannot help, but wonder if maybe they might have assumed this decision was a no brainier, and they could use their own common sense, instead of seeking God's will in the situation.  As a result, they were deceived  I doubt they intended to violate God's plan in this mater, but they may have fallen into 2 traps.  One pride, they must have assumed they were independent enough that they already knew God's will in the matter, so they failed to seek Him on the issue.  When we assume we already know what God has to say about a matter, rather than taking  time to listen to Him,we are in danger of casually missing his direction and blessing.  A few weeks ago, I had a rather embarrassing situation which to me seemed almost too practical to pray about, but out of my own desperation, and a promoting of God's leading I prayed.    God gave me exactly what I prayed for.  Imagine if I had not accepted the invitation to bring this concern  to God. what a blessing I would have missed out on!  It is also possible to miss God's blessing when we assume He only cares about some things in our lives and not others.  I believe part of the reason I've battled anxiety in my life, is because I assumed God did not care about what troubled me, so rather rely on Him in trust, I thought I had to either worry or fix it myself.

        Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.". Phil. 4:6-7.  I admit I resented this verse in my childhood and teen years, because it was often used as a "pat answer.  We can get so focused on the do not portion of this passage, that we forget that isn't just a command, about not  worrying, but a command to pray!  We are not just told to talk with God about serious matters, we are told here to pray about EVERYTHING.  The daily things- the boring things, the silly things in life.  Does prayer matter in your life?

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Get Out Of Eygpt!

Friends

Most of the time I have a post in my head, before it ever appears on this blog,  Today  the same is true, except I don't know the ending, nor do I know how this will be received,.  I'm nervous to put it out there.  Several months ago-shortly after returning from She Speaks Writer/Speaker conference, a question surfaced in my head as I began to ask God to lead me.  I don't think that question came from me.  .  The truth is most of the pain I've carried with me through the years has been related to the academic scene.  I have little confidence in my intellect in some areas.  If you put my in a room with well educated people, I feel inferior.  It does not matter that most of my grades through my life have been above average  mostly that came from effort, not from a stellar IQ  The question was would you be willing to go back to school if I asked you to?  Please God anything you want, just not this I thought.  I told no one for months. First for fear that they would think that I'd lost my mind, worse  they might try to pressure me into a commitment. I was not entirely sure I was being asked to make.  Those of you who know me are aware that college for the time I attended, at least the latter, part was a complete nightmare in which I dropped out  I''ll spare you the details...I promise there's a lesson in all this.  Until last week, I had been a nervous wreck over trying to understand what all this means, and angry, that if the question was from God, that He would ask me to revisit an area of my life that I still  wear as a badge of shame.  As I met with a mentor recently, she reminded that I had been asked if I was willing, but had not been given further steps than that.  I looked at her puzzled...  Through tears, "Why would God ask me to be willing to do something, unless He wanted me to actually follow through?" I asked.  "Maybe it is a test of your willingness to obey regardless of the next steps."  she said.  A sense of relief swept over me in that moment.  It wasn't the first time God had asked to lay my own will for my life down, in exchange for His.  He asked me to lay my will down in the area of my mom's health, long ago; just like He asked Abraham to lay Issac on God's altar.  I did, and am  doing this daily .  I don't know when, or if God will command me to pursue a degree in the field that crossed my mind that day.  I have sincerely expressed my desire and willingness to be in God's will  even if that means going back to college.  In Joshua 5:9 God tells Joshua that He rolled away the shame of being in slavery in Egypt  .then the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt." So that place has been called Gilgal to this day.  I admit I have never actually been to the place of Egypt, however my past with college  even 8 years later,is my Egypt. So imagine how freeing it was when I read this verse!  God has taken the badge of shame away from me, just like He did for Joshua and Israel as a nation, but imagine if  Joshua had continued to stay in his Egypt- in his mindset, even, after the Lord brought him out of bondage.  Sometimes I think the reason Israel could not get it together, is because they kept focusing on their dark past in Egypt, instead of accepting that God had rolled that shame away,  When we stay in our Egypt, symbolically, we forfeit the joy God desires  to give us by moving us to a new places in our lives.  Our own Gillgal is prepared for us, but our mindset, remains in the land of  Egypt  We all have Egypt in our lives, things that bring us shame.  For some, it is divorce, an abusive past, a one night stand, words we can't take back, how much more has the blood of Christ, removed shame from us!  How much more has Christ removed and redeemed the dark places of our lives, with the light!  Do you want to let go of Egypt with me?  It's your destiny too!  I wrote this down, so we can remember it together!  Our shame has been rolled away, the way the stone was on the day of Resurrection, but I/ we have to be willing to refuse to wear a false badge of shame in our lives!  I want to get out of Egypt: please come with me, as we embrace the fact that Christ has removed the shame from us!     .

Change is here...

Over the last year and a half there have been some small changes happening mostly on the inside of me.  I've embraced unconditional love from God,  I am becoming more secure in him.  His love and acceptance have begun to make it's way from my head to my heart, which is why I have chosen to celebrate the change as reminder of how far God has brought me from where I've been.  I believe our lives are not just a journey of our own, but are meant to inspire and encourage others.  When I began this blog years ago, the tagline was "my place in this blogging world", it was meant to be a reflection of finding my place in this world. My focus has now changed, and it is my desire to reflect that here.  So the tagline is now from Head to Heart.  So I hope you embrace the seemingly mild changes here friends, because one thing I'm learning is that change is going to happen whether we embrace it or not .    It has been good and busy birthday month that has now come to a close.
        Are you in a season of change or stillness?

Whatever season it is our lives, God wants us to invite his presence into it!  

                                                                            

When God Says "No" Do We Say Thanks or Why Not?

Hello,

     Here I am playing blog catch up again.  I wonder how I will recap everything since my last post.  Thank you for those of you who have prayed for the Hand Humbert family.  Baby Hope is recovering well.  Todd still needs prayer and the rest of the family.  Mike Hand needs lots of prayer as takes harsh chemo.  If you want to follow the journey go to my friend Jenn's Blog she would be encouraged by your comments...  Last Saturday I had an early 30th birthday party, and I had a great time!  If you are reading this and you were there thank you....
      My life has been super busy lately, and admittedly I am at my best when I have time to be still.  At times I feel that I'm torn because I want to have a Mary spirit, but at times I wish I could be Martha, because Martha is the one people seem to value more  Martha has a check list, and before the day is over every one cheers  our world and even Christians see the fruit of her work.  They see what she spent hours using her energy on.  Do you know what I envy most about Mary?  Her world didn't fall apart because Martha was offended by her actions.  Being the approval addict in progress that I am, it is easy to want tangible affirmation.  The question is will I look to Jesus for approval already granted, or approval not certain from others    She let Jesus deal with Martha's disapproval.She didn't wilt at the first hint of rejection, but her greatest delight was to please Jesus himself.  Oh how I want this to be true of me, as it was of the Apostle Paul and others  Lk. 37-40 Let me switch gears for a minute to make the point  Num.  22 contains such precious truth in it.  Will you allow me to quickly hit some of the highlights?        Bible text here Numbers 22  Balak sends for Balaam to curse God's people in battle.  Each time Balaam seeks God, in accordance with the covenant.  God sent word each time that he would not curse his chosen people, in fact He would bless them despite years of rebellion.  As a side note, isn't that just like God to relent from giving us what we deserve and give us something far greater?      Balaam wasn't a perfect servant any more that we are, He  was at one point totally unaware of what God was doing to the degree  that God made a donkey talk to get his attention.  In the end, Balaam continued to obey God no matter what it could cost him.  In that time period, one might lose their life if they refused a person in power.  To those who know me know I've struggled for years with waiting to please people, and at times it can be a hindrance life and in faith, but the more I embrace God's no strings attached acceptance, the more it seems to point me toward a sincere desire to obey God.  I don't know about you, but sometimes in my sinful nature, I wrestle with wanting to force things to happen, instead of seeing closed doors as God's blessing and protection.  Last month, I prayed about a possible job situation, and when it because clear it would not work, I was disappointed and dejected.  You see, I forgot that I had asked God to close the door if it wasn't his will.  That's exactly what He did.  I asked Him to forgive me for not thanking Him for answering my prayer, and instead focusing on wishing his answer was yes.  It had gotten to the point that I wanted a "yes" for all the wrong reasons.  I wanted the "yes" answer, because then I'd look like Martha.  I could see myself, and others would see my work as productive, but as a sister in Christ reminded me, it not about being productive, its about being meaningful, and honoring Christ, not myself.  The world we live in has an entirely different value system than the one Christ called his followers to.  Yes, work is a biblical principle, but whether it for money or not, that should never be the entire motive for why we work, or where we get our identity from.  Yes, a job is a means to fulfill financial irresponsibility, but I have to believe God wants more than that for his children,
Have you ever thanked God for the "no's" or "Not Yet's" in your life?  Care to share?.          

What if Easter were tomorrow

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If you celebrated Easter today, I hope it was a blessed one... If you don't celebrate  it then I'm sorry to say you might be a bit bored with my post.  Of all the holidays, I celebrate, I can say Easter means more to me than all the others!  I hope you watch the video above.  Christians everywhere worshiped their living and Risen Savior today!  You know what would be even better?  If you and I woke up with the same awe and wonder tomorrow about Christ coming to earth, living a perfect life, dying in our place and becoming alive again.  I have a confession to make, most days I don't live with this amazing sense of purpose and victory my Savior has afforded me.....  Oh I long to live in such a way that declares hope to others.  How I want to give as He gives and love as He loves!

    On Thursday a dear friend of mine, her husband and 2 children were in a terrible wreck, when a deer came through their windshield and landed in the backseat.  Praise God they are alive, but their 6 month old baby has bleeding on the brain, and my friend's husband has many surgical procedures ahead, and a long road to full recovery.  Please remember them in prayer with me.  Also My friend's dad was diagnosed with Leukemia recently.  Through it all, the Hand/Humbert family clinging ever so tightly to the hope that comes from a living Savior! Only A Savior, who is worthy-Jesus Christ has made the impossible, possible friends!  What if Easter were tomorrow and every day after that?  You know what, as Christians, I think that  is as it should be!  What do you enjoy celebrating and why do you celebrate it?

Keep an Open Heart about Miracles

Do you ever find yourself searching, waiting looking expecting a miracle?   Do you ever wonder why some people seem to get theirs right a way, while others wait months even years or even until eternity at times for answers or relief?  Lately, I've had conversations with multiple people as we wrestle prayerfully and reverently with this question... Every time my mom went into remission, I thought here is it is.  The miracle we have looked for, and it was for a season in time, and I'm still thankful for it.  A road once marked with little hope, in the form of a clinical trial, was it my ideal hope dream for my mom?  Nope, in all honesty, there was a  time about 2 years ago when I wanted desperately total healing and anything else seemed unfathomable.  Do I still want and wish for total healing for my mom and others I love yes.  Right now, her miracle is slight decreasing in the cancer, and that is a miracle!    Do I believe in miracles oh yes.  I am learning to view miracles differently now, but it continues to be a work in progress.  I don't talk about it much, but on rare occasions, a very few people have said God's will is always to Physically heal people.  There are some churches who teach this very thing, I beg to differ.  God is not limited to one type of healing. Healing comes in different forms.  Healing comes sometimes, a little more every day, in the form of grace carrying a person moment by moment hour by hour.  Some miracles come in the words your condition is stable or improving when just weeks before it seems you had run out of options.  The Gospel itself is a miracle.  The fact that your reading this, and I am writing it, is a remarkable gift.  I'm waiting on miracles too, but the act of trusting and expressing thanks and praise even in waiting is in itself is a miracle.  It might not be in the time frame or form you thought it might come in, but God often changes our thinking to match his, and the fact that you and I can relate as frail human beings to the living God IS and always will be the greatest miracle in all of history.  The fact that God listened to me as I lifted up names in prayer today is miraculous.  When Christians around the globe stand for Christ, even though their lives are in danger, is the power of God's miraculous work!  Often our hearts become numb to the wonderful work God is doing, because we have closed our eyes, and chosen not to see God's fingerprints in our lives.     I'm asking God to open my eyes, to remember and praise Him for "big" and "little" miracles alike.  Will you do the same, and then lets share God's works with many around us, who need to be reminded that God Is working, because celebrating God's works, will always bring us back to his heart! 

    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.¹² I will consider all your works    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”¹³ Your ways, God, are holy.    What god is as great as our God?¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;    you display your power among the peoples.  PS. 77:12-14.  www.biblegateway.com 

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Since God has performed miracles in the past, we can rejoice, and trust He is still working.  We must not be narrow minded in the way we view miracles.  Embrace the wonder of what God did in the past, and trust his ways for us when we are looking for and waiting upon his miracles in our present.  For more on a day by day miracle visit  http://www.comingaliveministries-jenn.com/2013/03/joy.html My friend Jenn Hand's blog.  Please continue to pray for Mike Hand and others who need God's touch.  We all need miracles in so many areas.  Let's praise God for what He has done, and is still doing in our lives!  

Leaning the Right Way When Cancer Strikes...

This post is in honor of the Hand family, and other walking miracle people in my life, like my mom. You can lean on me, and more important, you can and are leaning on our Faithful God!  

          In high school my friends and I used this as this as a theme song of sorts.  I have always liked the song though it was popular at a time before I was born.  This song always makes me smile when I hear it.  It makes me think of  classmates and FCA gathering in our basement.  I've needed, something to make me smile this past week.  One reason is because last week I came down with Chicken Pox, and it has been painful which I didn't expect.  I went to the ER last Thursday.  That same day I got the news that my 2 dear friends who are twins- there dad had just been told he has acute Leukemia.  It was like a knife cutting through my heart as my dear shared the news.  I was not so much hurting for myself, though I love her dad so much and he and Mama Hand as we call them, have always treated me like royalty.  I would have done anything in that  moment to ease my friend's pain.  "God please not this, not cancer, don't ask this of them, don't ask them to walk this path."  I flashed back to how sick my mom was during her aggressive chemo.  I tried to sound strong for my friend, but the hurt overwhelmed me in the moment.  All I knew to do was say how sorry I was, to promise my love and prayers.  Our  friendship is one I don't worry i'll ever lose. This is rare for me in relationships.  We have made it through foreign countries, secret crushes, and more.  I also flashed back to words God gave me during one of the darkest times finding out my own Mom's  cancer was back yet again.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5  I heard the verse in a sermon about a month ago, and all but fell apart for many reasons.  1. I often don't trust God and his ways, but I'm learning to more daily 2. I sometimes lean on other things or people when there are things I don't understand about life, like cancer or other disappointments in life, instead of leaning on the Everlasting Arms of God.    I have a side piece on my chair that keeps me from leaning too far on my right side.  It works so well at times that all my weight shifts to the left side at times making my body unbalanced.  In those times when I have chosen to lean on God with everything, He has never once failed me.  He has never turned me away or mocked my need for him.  He does not find my burden too heavy or my hurt too deep.  I struggle sometimes with the false idea that God sees me as insignificant, but his word says otherwise.  God invites you and me  to come to him in our brokenness.  When we choose not to lean on God we are acting in rebellion..       Like me, I bet there are things you don't understand in your life.  Guess what our lack of understanding does not justify our lack  of trust.God.  However God does understand that we are frail  The hardest thing in the world is to trust God's heart, when we don't understand his ways .  It can be done- when we lean on God.  I've seen it,  I've seen in my mom and in my best friends lives. More than that God is teaching me and has taught me, he is enabling me to lean on him.  It is not wrong to lean upon others, or let others lean on us, but if we fail to lean on Jesus most, we are not leaning the right way, and no one else can uphold us like Jesus can and does!.  Ps. 18:30 Ps.33:4. He is trustworthy!  He can be trusted with the our unknowns.  He can be trusted to fulfill his promises!  He can be trusted to forgive us, to give us hope moment by moment hour by hour.  He can be trusted when others leave us behind or leave us out.  He can be trusted when the world around us feels as if it is caving in. He can be leaned upon rain or shine, dark or light.  I want to lean the right way, which is in trusting the heart and nature of God.  Do you hear him inviting us to lean upon his Everlasting Arms?  

BUSY SIGNAL

It is a couple weeks short of being two months since my last post.  It has been a busy couple months.  I am without a personal computer which makes it hard to post...  A new computer came today, hopefully it can be setup soon!  I have family coming in this weekend.  I have recently been dealing with Carpal Tunnel and other chronic health, issues but nothing serious.  Being away from the computer has made me more prayerful which I've needed.  I miss visiting your blogs.    Mom got a good report last scan, there has been small deceases in some of the cancer, and no growth in the other areas!  Praise the Lord!  I have had a couple speaking engagements lately that by God's grace have gone amazingly well!  Also fundraising for Choices, which is near to my heart...  Hope to hear from you all... I will visit your blogs soon, Lord willing!  

Grace Rediscovered!

This year a couple of friends and family members have given me monetary gifts for no particular reason than to show an act of love. Of course my first response was to gladly accept, and then say thank you. I enjoyed having the extra money. I did not question why it was given to me, I simply enjoyed and appreciated it. The unexpected and undeserved gifts made me want to bless others in a similar way   .  As I though upon this, it became clear to me what I needed to write about to each of you. If I had to describe the year 2012 in spiritual terms for me personally, then I would entitle it grace rediscovered. Here's what I mean… Intellectually I know that the word grace means unmerited or undeserved favor. In spiritual terms, I know that it means the unmerited or undeserved favor of God toward man. To be honest though, f when I heard the term grace, all I could think of was the word undeserved.  In the course of my life thus far in 29 years I must've heard at least  a 1000+ sermons on the subject of grace.  I shamefully admit that I would find myself cringing at the topic from time to time, because in my mind that was code for hearing a sermon on how unworthy or undeserving I was, and I honestly needed no help in the self loathing department . This wasn't actually how grace was  presented to me , but most often it was the way I interpreted it.  It wasn't actually until this year, that I began looking at grace differently. You see I was so focused on my unworthiness and no goodness. I struggled about how  how undeserving I am of God's gift, not only at salvation, but also of a relationship with him, that somewhere I missed or forgot the joy and victory that comes with having God's favor through Christ. We hear often times that  so much of life is about balance the same is true of our faith. When I exalt total depravity above that of God's favor and kindness, then I am left with little joy or peace. Likewise, when I focus only on God's kindness without regard for his holiness, then I missed the awe and wonder of who God is.  Grace has always been a difficult concept for me to grasp at least on the heart level, but even shots of it glimpses have made  a different for me over the last few months. I don't so much fear God punishing me when I do something wrong. I find it easier to not assume that when something goes wrong it's my fault. I guess that's what happens when grace starts to become real, as opposed to a theological  concept passed down from one generation to the next. If I've learned anything and continue to learn anything, it is that knowing grace and experiencing it, are not one in the same.  Was I a Christian before my rediscovery of grace yes.  However, it is in those times when I am not experiencing or living in light of grace, that I am the most miserable unhappy Christian on the planet.  I don't believe that I'm the only Christian out there, who found herself intellectually believing a message, that she was not tangibly and personally experiencing on a daily basis. This all began for me when I was challenged to answer the question what is God's heart toward me. After much searching and inner turmoil this year, I find myself going back to the simplicity of childlike faith found in John 3: 16 ""for God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in him shall have everlasting life""  God  is love, and his love motivated his plan to reconcile you and me to himself Romans 5:8. One of the misconceptions I have had about grace is that it mostly applied only to the gift of salvation with regards to eternal life. Yes, this in itself is more than we could ever deserve to or hope for, but it isn't wrong to want to experience a portion of fullness in the Christian life now.  John 10:10 Jesus said, "" I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly. Paraphrase emphasis mine. What is going to make a lost person want what a Christian has, when a Christian doesn't even know what they have, beyond eternal life, or at least is not living in the reality of grace?  It will no doubt be a lifelong and perhaps an eternity long process, for me to embrace experiencing grace, but I want it desperately personally and intimately.  I need it like I need air I don't want it just for me, I want for the 80-year-old lady who has been in church her whole life.  I want it for the girl who finds herself pregnant, and feels that no one will give her a second thought. I want it for the Christians who like me, have felt as though they are missing something essential to their faith. I want it for the minister, who has forced himself to be satisfied with a conversion record and has little expectation beyond that.   I want it for the person who has never come to Christ, and who wonders if grace is a fantasy..  I issue myself a challenge, and I extended to you as well. Let us ask God to make his grace a tangible reality in our lives! Join me in prayer for God's grace to sustain us and flow through us in 2013.  Are you you ready to open and reopen our gift?

Another Reflection from Christmas and Shepherds

Though, the official day set-aside celebrate Christmas has passed, there is still so much truth to gain from the birth, life death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Many are taking down the Christmas decorations today, and much of the Christmas music will soon stop playing if it has not already.

I wonder if the shepherds understood that God himself sent his angel to include them in the beginning of the greatest miracle mankind would ever experience!  Did they sense how deeply God valued and blessed them by delivering the greatest news of all!  Was this the proof they had searched and prayed for that the God of the universe saw them in their humble condition? Were they overwhelmed to the point of tears and shouts of joy, or speechless that God saw fit to make his fleshly appearance into his own creation?    Did they understand the glorious invitation God was extending to them?   What an honor it must've been the shepherds to discover that God Almighty issued them an invitation to witness the living God becoming man! See Luke 2:8 – 20. Note that verse 20 says it happened just as they had been told. Further evidence that God delivered on his done promise! I can't help but think, maybe the better question is do we understand that we are given the same wonderful invitation that was extended to the shepherds? Likewise, we should have the same response as the shepherds, to the fact that God has issued an invitation to us for redemption, reconciliation, and relationship with him! My previous post was entitled the Promise Fulfilled and Delivered. This is just one of the many ways God has proven himself faithful repeatedly. You and I can rest assured that when God promises to be with us, and to secure eternity for us: he will make good on those promises.  The shepherds went as an act of faith. They proclaimed as an act of obedience, and they worshiped as expression of love and devotion... Perhaps, it was even partly desperation that caused them to go quickly after the angel appeared. The likelihood is that no one paid a lot of attention to the shepherds, but God used the shepherds as part of his miraculous plan. The shepherds are both a testament to heartfelt worship, and were chosen as instruments to declare  the miraculous, to those willing to hear. Finally, I wonder if my response to Christ and the miracle of salvation, is the same as those of the shepherds?  I'm so glad to God chose to make the shepherds part of his plan. The same way, I am glad that he has allowed you and I to partake in the wonder and joy of the gospel!  What a lesson we can learn from the shepherds, not only about worship, or missions, but also in discovering our value and worth to God!

Questions to ponder:

1.      How am I similar and/or different from the shepherds spiritually speaking?

How does the account of the shepherds and the birth of Christ affect me and those around me?

The Promise Fulfilled and Delivered

It disheartens me that the Christmas season brings stress to many Christians.  I guess because I only spend what I am able, and don't have children of my own, it really simplifies Christmas for me.  I have told my family for years, if I never got another Christmas gift I'd be fine with that, and I still mean it..  We as Christians say that Christmas isn't about stuff or family or decorations, but I wonder sometimes if all those things were stripped away would we celebrate just the same?  The truth is I wonder if would celebrate far more richly if this were so.  Don't misunderstand me I'm not anti gift exchange, the presents under our  tree are numerous, but honestly I rarely ever remember the gifts I receive each year.  The gift I do remember is a devotional book my mom gave me last year called Meet Me at the Manger...and I"ll to the Cross  By Leighann McCoy.  It is devotionals from the Christmas season and  goes through Easter.  I recommend it highly to enrich your experience.    Has anyone ever broken a promise to you?  We live in a world filled with broken promises, that is what makes Christmas so Miraculous!  Christmas is proof of God's promise fulfilled!  See Mt 1:22-23 and Isa. 9:6   It happened at just the right time in history, not a detail was overlooked  If you are satisfied with The Gift that never loses its wonder or power, I rejoice with you!!!!  If you like many, have expressed  Christmas burnout or desire to refocus on the Gift worth celebrating, then I remind all of us of the most abundant gift ever given!  And His Name is Jesus!            

Put Some Easter inside your Christmas

I can hardly believe I haven't posted since the day before Thanksgiving.  I have tried to visit some of your blogs, but hopefully this week I will be able to get to posting as well as commenting on your posts. If you find mistakes as you read, I am using voice activated software. While I try to catch mistakes before I post that doesn't always happen.  Yesterday I had one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. My mom, aunt, grandmother and I had the amazing privilege of seeing The Radio City Christmas Spectacular with the Rockettes. To be honest, I had no expectation. We left early yesterday morning for Nashville. While we did have some complications with the wheelchair lift on our van, God intervened by using a young guy who worked at the hotel to help us find the emergency override switch, so that we would not miss this great event. He was a direct answer to all of our prayers. Though I don't know him by name I will forever be grateful for his willingness to go the extra mile.  Now on to what I just can't wait to tell you about the show itself.  Make no mistake whatever you read about here, will be a pitiful attempt to describe something wondrous!  I didn't realize all that was involved with the show. I have seen the Rockettes on TV during the snapshot of the Macy's Day Parade, but never in my most vivid imagination could I have imagined something so amazing!  The lights, prompts, music and cast were all breathtaking.  The glitz and glamour of the entire experience filled the air!  The precision and timing of the scenes were indescribable.  Even as I tell you the details in general, I know that it is one of those experiences words will fail to actually paint a tiny glimpse of the actual reality.  You see it was so much more than women in glamorous outfits working in unison to provide a feast for the eyes.  It was an illustration of the Majesty of the living God. Let me explain further, this was a gift that I would not of missed or the world.  There was a glorious live Nativity scene, and as the narrator told the story of the Christ Child, I was mesmerized.  I was awed by the visual, but more than that I was reminded that it isn't just a story that has touched humanity forever, though that is true for some. My heart and spirit were recaptured, not by a story that provides a warm sensation like that of a Hallmark card, or  simply a symbolic meaning, that offers a moral lesson  I experienced deeply personal worship hrough seeing this live Nativity Scene  for me, God coming in flesh as Jesus Christ, changed my entire destiny. It is more than the baby in the Manger. Many people around the world including prominent celebrities are comfortable with the idea of a baby bringing joy to the world. They're even content to have others make the baby in the manger the object of worship.  The only problem is that baby isn't just a baby. He is and always has been the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!  There is no one who compares with the Savior. He is deeply personal!  I don't mean this as a put down to celebrities in general, but I'm always fascinated by the fact that Hollywood is quick to give admiration by singing Christ centered Christmas carols however once the story progresses past that of the baby in the manger then suddenly the rest of the story is left out or not acknowledged at all. Oh how the world is missing out, failing to see the rest of the story. It is the story that makes many of our lives worth living. The story that isn't just a story, but is as real as the stars in the sky! I told you that this story, change my life and continues to change it today. This is because, there really is no beginning to it, and there is no end. Unless of course, you start at the beginning of the creation account, and proceed from there. God Chose a particular time in history to become man. He chose to limit himself, to allow himself to feel hunger, sadness, anger and joy.  Matthew chapter 1 tells us that Jesus is literally God with us.  It means that the living God sees me, and is willing to go with me in good times and in bad. It means that when life doesn't make sense, there is still hope for me and you, because the amazing thing about Christmas is that it doesn't end in a manger.  In fact, it doesn't end at all. The Bible says that God's kingdom and Christ his son will reign forever!  As beautiful, as the Radio City spectacular was, and believe me it was beautiful – it could never compare to the birth of Jesus Christ, and the lives that continue to be changed not only by God becoming flesh, but the continuation of the rest of the story. An earthly ministry followed by the most gruesome death in history, and a miraculous resurrection from the dead that would allow ordinary people to  have a relationship, with The Extraordinary, Almighty God!  So I ask you, is Christmas a big deal to you or has it lost its joy?  Will you join me in reclaiming the real Christmas joy?

At Least 100 Reasons I'm Thankful

100 Reasons I can say I'm thankful...  How about you?  Note they are in Random Order.  I did not list every person or item.  I tried to list a lot of new things I'n thankful for, but note I repeated some from years past, and did not repeat many of things and people I still give thanks for from years past.  Ok, I hope you guys have a Happy Thanksgiving.  Every day there are reasons to give thanks!

1. The Gospel that makes my life worth living
2. That the Gospel is becoming real to me again
3. The unconditional Love of God isn't a fairy-tale
4. God is forgiving God
5. God is unchanging
6. The blood of Jesus
7. The Empty Tomb
8.  I matter to God
9. God is compassionate
10. God is not distant
11. God is not holding my sins against me
12. God is not unresponsive
13. God is not unavailable 
14. God is trustworthy
15. God is not uninterested in the details concerning me
16. God listens to me.  
17. He knows my past, present, and future
18. When I die, I'll be in heaven. 
19. One day I will be able to kneel before God's throne
20. God works all things together for my good
21. God sees me.  
22. God is my companion
23.  The Holy Spirit revealing truth about who God is
24. Safety and protection from harm
25. The supernatural ability to forgive others
26. My thorns in the flesh
27. God's discipline, even though I didn't want it
28. God's kindness and mercy towards me    
29. God keeps his promises
30. The freedom to worship God
31. The Beauty of God's creation
32. The beauty of the Body of Christ/ my church and God's provision  All who have helped me and my family
33. My mom who is an inspiration and sometimes looney too smile
34. For SCRI for helping her fight cancer, and the fact that she is currently stable
35. My brother who sometimes surprises me.
36. My grandmother who loves her grandchildren with her whole heart
37. My mom's stable Health and retirement and approval for disability
38. Food
39. Being prayed for
40. Our Beach Trip as a family
41. Macy
42. My Aunt Margaret who is fun loving and spunky and my uncle who always supports her in everything she does,
43.   A house and a home.
44. The chance to minister to others
45. My friends and family and my circle
46. - Brained Hills Baptist church
47. Linda Smith
48. My caregivers Donna and Mary
49. The Hand Family
50. My Pastor- whose humor and kindness are evident 
51. The counsel and support  of John and Beth Barber this year especially.
52. The Passion for worship and musical talent of Jeff Clark 
53. The joy of seeing  my church  youth group being led by Matthew and Erica  Also others in Church
54. All church staff and their families who have their own gifts and use them well 
55. Mike Lofton  his consistent friendly demeanor
56. Michael Steffey's commitment to Children's Ministry  and the unborn
57. My Choices Family.
58. God's responses to my prayers in his way and time
59. The Gift of She Speaks conference
60. Cousins I love.
61. Signal Centers AT Center my computer
62.  Jennifer Nichols and The Ritzhaupt family for this year's courage award.Sarah Mak and Ezra Reynolds.
63. My health. 
64. Unborn babies and women who have been spared from abortion
65. The chance to plant seeds in peoples lives
66. Being part of  an extended family who supports each other. 
67. The ability to contact my dad any time I choose to.
68. My GA. family 
69. Sitting in a Beach chair on the Beach.
70. The gift of keeping up with out of town friends.  
71. Living in America
72. Material gifts
73. Speaking at the Bloom Conference
74. Being prayed by David Dees before speaking.
75. Meeting Hunter Dees
76. Missing Pieces Bible study
77. The Nelson family and the testimony they are living 
78. Mike Hand is cancer free
79. That My grandmother is well
80. Phone calls with friends
81. Access to God's word
82. Encouragement and blessings from others.
83. A working chair and hospital bed
84. Books that have blessed me.
85. Children who've touched my heart
86. A good score on my speaker e-val
87. Baby Hope Humbert who I still haven't met
88. Reconnecting with old friends
89.  the Kindness of strangers.
90. The Rare moment of seeing a sunrise.
91. The chance to write to bless others
92. Laughter with my mom
93. people who affirm me.
94. Lessons learned through pain
95. Contentment felt
96. Discovering first impressions can be wrong
97. Caringbridge Website
98. Hot water
99. Nice clothes  
100. My Blog friends

Did you make it to the end?  

The Mary Martha Drama

                                                                          Found Here

I am sure this is a busy time of year for most of you.  I have  missed blogging lately, and keep telling myself that I need to do better. The truth is my blog is my greatest platform at this point.  Sometimes it seems to me, that God is teaching me so many lessons about life that I can't seem to put it into words. Plus, it seems there is a time and a place for something to be shared, and I don't want to do so too prematurely. 

Do you by chance, know the story of Mary and Martha? If not, you can find it in Luke 10:38 – 42.    Can't you just see it in your mind?  There are two sisters, one's name is Mary and the other is named Martha. Martha welcomes Jesus into her home, while her sister Mary was there also. It wasn't as if Martha completely ignored Jesus she welcomed him. Scripture says that Martha was busy and distracted trying to serve her honored guest. It doesn't say that she was rude or that her intentions were not good.  It is my perception, that where Martha's troubles, come in is when she begins to become frustrated with her own role, and expects her sister Mary to follow her lead. Instead Mary remained listening to Jesus. Sometimes I'm willing to bet in moments of pride we tend to think that this somehow makes Mary the more spiritual of the two.  As I thought about the story, I am more convinced than ever, that if we approach the story this way, we are not only wrong, but have missed what Jesus was telling us entirely. I've heard this story told many different ways. I even know that there is a book, which I haven't read about how to have a Mary heart in a Martha world. I'm sure it's a great book, but recently I wonder if I and others have not missed the central point Jesus was making. Here's what I mean, the situation could have easily been reversed. What if Mary had asked Jesus to scold Martha to stop serving and command her to listen like she was? I think Jesus would have lovingly chosen to correct Mary the same way he did Martha.  Here's a prime example: my mom is gifted with the personality of Martha.  She is the Queen of Multitasking. The faster she moves, and the more she accomplishes the more fulfilled she seems. This is understandable given her life experiences, and how God has created her.  She gets things done, and she makes things beautiful. Sometimes it's like we are going in opposite directions, because I have never moved at a pace. I have a one track mind, and fully focus on one thing at a time.    Sometimes I get frustrated with myself for not being more like her, and then other times I am guilty of not appreciating the special and unique gifts that God has given to her, and trying to get her to slow down, because that makes Me feel at ease. When I was in college, I tried very hard to be a Martha but in my heart I've always been more relational than task driven. The lesson the Lord brought to my mind recently was is when we try to be something that we are not, or expect others to be something different than what God has created them to be, this is when people hurt each other. Most importantly we miss fulfilling God's individual purpose for our lives.  Most of us probably fall in-between Martha and Mary, but we must be careful that we do not try to conform those around us into something that God never intended. There is enough room in God's kingdom for all types of personalities.  It is not my job, or the job of God's children to impose balance or conviction on fellow Christians.  It is hard enough, to find balance in the Christian life, for ourselves much less someone else. I don't believe that Jesus was telling Martha she was wrong to want to serve him or that Mary was wrong to continue clinging to his every word. Both of these roles are needed equally.  In other words, what you choose to do to honor me is between you and me, but you are not to concern yourself or cast judgment on another one of my children, for the way in which they choose to serve me or relate to me! 

I will invite you on this journey with me.…  If you are Martha trying to relate to Mary, let's look for ways to see Jesus in each other. Surrender the expectation to conform each others roles. If you are Mary trying to relate to Martha, extend your hand, and stay humble!

It Is Our Problem!

Have you ever heard or said the phrase "It's not My Problem?"
In a few contexts this statement could be true...  Let me suggest though that Jesus rarely, if ever had this outlook. and when He did it was usually in regard to revealing to people their own self centered priorities.  For example, in worrying what others thought about him.    When Jesus knew of the hunger of the 5000+, which He fed, He didn't send them away, as the disciples suggested.  What our Savior's students were saying, even if they were unaware of it, was that other peoples hunger was really not their problem.  Before I point a finger at them, I wonder how many times have I expected someone else to take care of another person's need knowing that God had prompted me to meet that need, or at least provide his love in various situations?  Can you relate?  Jesus didn't see a need and say, they must help themselves, before I will help them.  He knew not only of their physical needs, but the spiritual ones too.  What if Jesus said, their sin isn't my problem it is theirs?What if He said their hurts aren't mine to heal, take it to somebody else?  Do you get the point?  As a child of God, I don't have the right to say that loving and serving isn't my problem. It is true that I can only meet the needs God entrusts to me, but it not true that, because I'm not directly affected by a burden or problem, that it is not my responsibility to help where he calls me to.  I don't know about you, but I'm glad the Lord does not say it is not His problem when I'm helpless.  I'm glad God didn't say find own way, you are not my problem.  We might not use those words, but the idea is the same.  We might say it this way, "I will do it someday"  We might say "I don't know how or the demand is too much.    If anyone had a right to say, it's my turn, it is Jesus,  Instead He said, I will make it my problem for their sake!
 The next time we might be tempted to say "it's Not my Problem"  let's look to Christ, and ask ourselves , does God want to help someone else, by throwing away the It's Not my problem outlook?  The best way to met a need, is to bring both the person and the need to Jesus, and He will do what we cannot!  See Matthew 14:15-21 The account of Jesus feeding the crowd...

I'm SO Excited, and I Just Wont Hide it! Part 1

                           

                                       Image 





Have you ever had a season in life where you were just bursting to make a big announcement, like you have something you are just itching to tell something to someone and then as your excitement builds, and you finally do tell the big news, you are disappointed by the lack of excitement expressed by the person receiving the news?  I get excited pretty easily.  I'm not the type of person who finds it easy it to conceal my joy or my sadness.    So often when I share my excitement, people are like okay that's great, but can we move on now?  If you go back a couple posts before my last one, you will see that I have been on a journey in my own faith walk to discover and embrace the compassionate nature of God.  I have to be honest, a few months ago, I would not have claimed that compassion of God was a concept that entered my mind too often, at least, not in the context of God desiring to show me compassion.  However. for some time now, every verse I read brings me back to God's own kindness towards me AND YOU.  I suspect strongly that many people might say this concept excites me too much, but this is one time I'll say I beg to differ.  When you have wrested with doubts, and believed that God is distant and uninterested in you and the details of your life, then the promise of God's compassionate and merciful hand is like fireworks on the fourth of July or water in the desert.  When we see that God forgives us and willingly offered to forgive us by paying our sin debt because He loves and values us, it changes the way we relate to God.  Maybe I should write it this way, it has changed how I relate to God.    Are you trusting what others have shown you or told you about God, or are you inviting God to show you who He is?  Do you run or hide from the compassion and forgiveness of God or do you receive it with gladness and a thankful heart?  Friends I hope with all my heart, that you are able to dwell in the wonder of God's love, forgiveness and acceptance of you.  There is so much in this to be excited about.  As wonderful as it will be to spend eternity with God as believers, we don't have to wait to experience so many of the amazing benefits of living eternal life right now.  There is more than the future promise of heaven, there is the unshakable reality of God's comfort, compassion and forgiveness NOW.  It does not mean we won't have pain, now or conflict now or questions now, but we can endure these things, if we believe that God cares about us.  that we are safe, and forgiven!  So tell me what has rocked your world lately?  What has the world accused you of being too excited about?  Or maybe you need to get excited about how blessed we,- you and I actually are!
Blessed is the one
    whose transgressions are forgiven,
    whose sins are covered.
² Blessed is the one
    whose sin the Lord does not count against them
    and in whose spirit is no deceit. Ps. 32:1-2  Text found here
   

As if this were not enough for me to be excited about I was nominated for a local award called the Susan Ritzhaupt Award given to people with physical disabilities who do volunteer work.  Such an honor so humbled.  I never had any desire or plans to be a disability poster girl, but I'm so blessed God is good!  For those of you who pray for my mom regarding her cancer trial, she has had only some very slight growth, and does very well with all she has been through,  We are both on the mend now.  Her iron is pretty low, so that will be watched closely.  I loved our vacation to the beach It was like heaven to me!  Pictures should be posted in entry soon.    Thanks for your comments, I value these....     

Where Am I?

Just wanted to touch base and say I have not abandoned the blog world...  I have been battling illness since we came back from vacation, and haven't been functioning too well.  I assure you I have more content coming!  Thanks for sticking with me!  I'll be back with you soon....