Let them Be Them and You Be You!

So I learned something today that has brought me strange freedom!  My mom took a spiritual gifts test today, and found that one of the things that comes natural to her is exercising faith.  For years my mom has said things like have faith God will take care of it.  To which I would roll my eyes and huff and puff always at a loss as to how  faith always seems to be her response.  I on the other hand, have a tendency toward mercy.  While she is more a suck it up kinda gal.  Most of the things we fight about come down to the different ways in which God has designed us.  Don't get me wrong as Christians we are all called to walk by faith and not by sight, but for some faith is like breathing, and for those like me, choosing faith is constantly at war with doubt and mistrust.  Instead of embracing the gift God has entrusted her with, I have often mocked it, and been at times envious of it.  Likewise I think my strong tendency toward mercy leaves her wondering, did this child really come out of me? I also become angry with myself for not being more like her. The truth is the church today has much the same issue, we want others to look, act, and behave like us, but the ironic thing is we were never created to be carbon copies of one another.  The truth is I love my mom and she loves me.  She is not me, and I am not her.  We are two different people created by the same Holy God!  So while we are similar, we are not the exact same, nor were we meant to be.    So see how this hits you.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Eph. 4:2-3.Find it Here  That I am learning can only happen when we submit to God, and ask him to do the impossible in and through us.  So I guess the prayer is Lord help me bear with others, and Lord enable others to bear with me.  God knew this would be hard concept for us finite humans, but He addresses it clearly.  I have a feeling this may be a post, that I myself will revisit often.   What do you think?  I mean I guess I knew this in my head, but never really got it, you know?
Reaching for the Higher,

Half Full Friday and More!

It is for half full Friday!created by Eyegirl

• I  am joyful that I've not had any tummy troubles the last 2 days.
• I am joyful that I get a staycation next week, while my mom is on fall break. No volunteering next week.  Don't get me wrong I love volunteering, but I feel I need a break.
• I am joyful for candy bar waiting for me. 
• I am joyful that all my basic needs are met, when there are those wondering where their next meal will come from as they sell candy bars on the street to feed their family, because they lost their house and job, like the man I saw yesterday.
• I am joyful that one of my client's seemed more at ease yesterday.  
• I am joyful for the warmth of Macy's head against my lap.  
• I'm joyful both newsletters have been turned in!  
• I'm joyful for grace from from God and others. 
• I'm joyful, because of God's healing.  

Note to Self: Don't blog when hungry or didn't eat lunch...
Oh let's see I wish I had something profound to put here, but I don't think  I do today..  I'll try tomorrow!

Share

Share 

     Here is a devotional I found that I wanted to share with you all!

I lived! Half Full Friday

So after I wrote that post last Sunday afternoon and hour later I was SICK.  Not just a little either.  I'll spare you the details of yuckiness, but will tell you I was violently sick for a total of 11 hours.  I recovered three days later.  While this dog maybe cute sick, I on the other was not.  

So instead of doing a list for Half Full Friday. Half Full Friday  I will just say that I'm joy-filled to be well, as in no body aches and tummy troubles and able to eat "meals again

Oh and notice my new blog tab, I have also removed the blog music for a season.

Thanks for your feedback on the new layout and recent posts!

to find the image

A Lamb I am!

For more on the pictureGo here

I just feel compelled to blog today...  Isn't this a cute lamb?  Why would I post a picture of a lamb on my blog?  Well to understand why let me encourage you at some point in the near future to find a Bible and read Isaiah Chapter 40 and take a close look at verse 11."He tends the flock like a shepherd:He gathers the lambs in his arms close to his heart.; he gently leads those who have young.." in this analogy God is the Shepherd.  I wish the concept of a shepherd was not so foreign to me or this culture, but it is.  The whole chapter tells us a lot about the nature of God, like that He alone is God, and BTW DON'T OVER LOOK THAT God ALONE IS GOD!  Then wham there it is!  In other places in scripture, and even now we know that Christ who Is God, is our sacrificial HOLY Lamb, and yet here the people of Israel are the lamb, and God is the shepherd, now I'm no history person, and not all that  educated, but if I understand the passage correctly, then this passage speaks of God's love and care for his chosen people.  God is the only one who can be both, a Shepherd, and a Lamb at the exact SAME time.  God the father, and Christ the Lamb!
   Now, to be honest, it was very hard for me to take this promise as my own until I also read, Eph. 3:6 " That the Gentiles(meaning current day believers as well) emphasis mine( should be fellow-heirs, and of the same body,and partakers in his promise in Christ by the gospel:"  What that  means to me is that     God is My Shepherd and He gathers me in His arms!  He carries me close to his heart!  Here we see the Creator of the Universe expressing physical affection toward his own!  I too can have claim to the same promises as Israel!  I don't know about you but I am starving for evidence that God who is the strong and Mighty offers us a picture of physical affection from Himself!   Do you need the Shepherd to hold you close, maybe like me it seems irreverent to you, to think of God as tender, but I am not to argue with the King of Kings about who He is!

Let's Party Friday and More!

My cousin Kim made the beautiful cake it took her 12 hours!

                                                            Mumzie's Nephew Mike

Cousin Emily with Jocelyn & Brady.  Our pastor and music minster are in the background.

  Mumzie was so surpised she had no clue about her party

Add caption

Mumzie's Great Grandson Brady and his mom Mandy she works @ HairBenders

I was happy we spent all day planning

                                   

Singing Happy Birthday!

                                             Aunt Margaret(My mom sister and "the cake lady)


Cousins Jocelyn & Jack

 Wow a lot can happen in one week!  I'll begin with pics from last Saturday of Mumzie's 80th birthday and then go from there.  Honestly blogging is the last thing I need to be doing, as I have so many other deadlines, but sometimes a girl's gotta blog!

Now on to both Come Alive & half full Friday!  find out more Go Here

• I am joyful that my mom is feeling better, since she got very sick this week from a kidney infection and had to go to the ER.
• I am joyful that my email isn't spamming folks anymore.
• I am both joyful and thankful Jenn was able to stay with and take me care of while mom was at the hospital.
• I am joyful that both my brother and dad called this week
• I am Joyful that the Good Wife's new season began Tuesday. 
• I am joyful because of the progress I've made through God's grace, and that I'm not who I was. 
• I am joyful that I got the new Wonder album! (see post under Smitty Fan)

Come Alive Friday: Things that made me come alive this week. Sponsored By: 

1. Talking to Amy on the phone. See Favorite things tab.
2. A slow day @ Choices
3. The song Take My Breath Away.
4. Serving others)
5. The sunshine and Chicfila twice this week! 

       I've not shared spiritual reflections in awhile,  I hope to next post.  I enjoy your blogs too!

I Wonder!!

JesusfreakHideout.com Listening Party!


Property OF http://www.michaelwsmith.com/ 

 Michael W Smith Album Wonder comes out Tuesday! You can listen to the whole album @ the link above. If you only listen to 1 or 2 songs, these are my top tracks. 1 Save me from myself Track 3 Run to you, Take me Over,Track 12. Track 2 Take me breath away! Wonder in stores September 28!  To those of you who are not Smitty Fan's just know this will be painful, but you will survive!

Anybody Home?? and Crazy Love By Francis Chan

Hello have I run you off? lol  I'm in a bit of a writer's slump, but I do want continue writing on here, so please stick with me!  I want to also encourage you to visit a great new blog started by my best friend!  She is an amazing woman in so many ways, please stop by and give her some love! Jenn's blog  I am reading a book right called Crazy Love  By Francis Chan.  The funny think is when I heard about it, I had no desire whatever to read it. and wow does it have me thinking even though I've only read the first three chapters so far. You can find out more Here  If you have read it what are your thoughts on the first 3 chapters or the book as a whole?  Has the book challenged you confused you or helped you?  Can I be honest, though I've only read three chapter of this book, I already believe my views about who God is are changing in a positive way.   If anything, it has caused me excitement and wonder, and allowed me to see how small I am, and how big God's love is for me!  Yes I know in my head God loves me, and all of us, but when was the last time you were truly blown away by God's love for YOU?  That's it for now...  I enjoy your comments, and do read your blogs as much as possible.

Some weeks are better than others

Hi Friends:

   I don't like to post when I'm not feeling well or when it has been a tough week, which is why I have not been quick to post.  It has not all been bad, and isn't anything earth shattering bad either, but my body is tired,  I have a chronic problem that has a long namr which I can't spell.  It is a type of baterical acne that is very painful in places I will not mention.  I've had it for years it is hormone related..  I take antibotics about every theree weeks, and have had minor surgery to remove infected tissue. 
On top of that I worked very late @ Choices, one day last week, and one of the other volunteers feelings wer hurt  by something connected to my aid, though I'm still not sure what the source of the hurt was, and while I usually have little trouble valadating someone's feelings, in this case, the fleshly side of me wanted to say life is too short to get your nose out of joint over junk.  I use to be one of the most senstive people alive, so to a degree I understand, but part of me just wanted to say please grow up.  I realized quicky this was prideful of me, and am asking God to help with my unrealistic expectations of other people.Thank God for medicine!  The happy highlights of my week were that I got to speak at Choices Shower last night, and I realize how I love speaking about Sanctity of Human Life.  I also had the most tasty grilled cheese burger  I've had in ages. I also found the coolest verse that I'll write about more later.Jer. 17:5-8Find it here!  I'm enjoying your comments please keep them coming!

invisible Illness Week Don't miss this post please

Hi Blogger:

   You will see a sticky note on the far side of my blog that will let you know that tomorrow begins invisible illness week.  Over the last few years,  God has placed many people/friends i n my life who are dealing with Chronic illnesses or chronic pain.  Let me be clear here, I don't have an invisible illness.  I would even go so far as to say that I don't consider myself as having a visible illness either.  Maybe this is because of the conflicting messages I've gotten from society over the years.  So you may ask, why am I supporting this effort?  The answer is simple her name is Sandra Rose, no she probably does not even know there is such a thing as invisible illness week, I also have other friends like Brittany and Julie who also live daily with Chronic Illness.  These are three of the most Godly women I know.  So what is an invisible illness, Invisible doesn't mean non-existing, in fact, anyone living with pain day and night knows all too well just how real invisible illness is.  My friend Sandra has to use a Tens unit regularly just in attempt to get some relief, and be able to function from constant nerve pain, and yet outwardly some days you likely would not "see" it, but if you listen, you'll hear it.  You'll hear it as she gasps for breath, because the pain is so strong her lips cannot form words.  You will hear at times, in the physical weariness of her voice.  She has tried ever treament under the sun for 9 years.  While you may not see it in the form of crutches, you will see it in the form of a tear now and then, but you know what you will see even more clearly even in her pain, you will see her strength, her faith, and her compassion.  A chronic illness invisible or other wise is any contdition that has impact on your life, and in most cases, will either remain the same or worsen.  Maybe diabetes or cancer, in the case of cancer it often falls under terminal which most chronic It maybe depression, it is any condtion where the signs may not be phyiscally seen illnesses are Chron's Fibromagilya etc.and thounsands of others.  I do have one of the illness I mentioned, now that I think of it, but lets put that aside for now.  Lisa Copen is the founder of http://www.restminstries.com/ and http://www.invisibleillness.com/ It is a christian ministry that supports people worldwide with Chronic condtions and chronic illnesses please go to both sites to find out more or get support for you or a family member or friend.  Now don't hear me saying I'm not involved in this ministry, because I am/  I'm going to fill out the survey, because whether CP is an illness condition, or other and visible or invisible, I have dealt with chronic pain in years past and I can relate in both seen and unseen ways.  What connects people is not what category they fall into, but the fact that others can share in their life journey, and as Christians there is always common ground and unity in Christ!  Because I myself in my case, am uncomfortable with the word illness. I will use condition.
The condition I live with the is  Cerebral Palsy(CP Urinary issues, depression, anxiety/
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Soon after I was born.  I will only address CP here, not the others/

3. But I had symptoms since: 1983
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: adulthood with CP/
5. Most people assume: I like the attention, but I'd trade it in a minute

6. The hardest part about mornings are: bathing

7. My favorite medical TV show is: None

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my My Bed, lift, Van and Chair

9. The hardest part about nights are: Not being able to work late at night, even those it is my best time for creative writing.

10. Regularly I take 3__ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please):

11. Regarding alternative treatments I am very conflicted about cures.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Physical over emotional but visible and invisible I believe would be just as hard

13. Regarding working and career: Again my situation conflicts me @ times.

14. People would be surprised to know: My emotional struggles far outweigh my physical ones
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: letting go of denial

16. Something I never thought I could do with my condition that I did was: serve pregnant women

17. The commercials about my condition make me uneasy

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I've always CP, but I miss having my own family

19. It was really hard to have to give up: the idea of what I thought my life would be.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: blogging

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal  I would: walk the beach, and play with the dog
22. My condition  has taught me: God can use anyone, and that everyone wants to be loved

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: that I'm not special I'm just like everyone else.

24. But I love it when people: say “God has a plan for you.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “ God will fulfill his plans for me!

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell their family there is hope in all situations with Christ!

27. Something that has surprised me about living with this is: adulthood is way harder than childhood was

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Listened to me
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want to open people's eyes, and comfort hurting people.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: proud and hopeful/ Thank you for your support!
    Now

What Are You Thinking?

Hello Readers: 
       I want to pose a two fold question to you, and I would like your feedback...  I'm looking for your personal response, but feel free to use personal events or scripture as well.
1. What do you think is the main source of human suffering in the world?
2. Does God fit into your thoughts on suffering?  If so how and in what way? In other words, Does God have a purpose in such suffering?  I have  expressed a few my thoughts on this subject some already, but I want to have an interactive blog disscussion with you, the readers.  Don't for a moment think that by the end of this discussion we will have the answer to the age old question, of why do people suffer?.  I promise we won't come close to discecting it, in fact we may raise more questions than answers!  However I believe that if we discuss, and ask questions through the Lens of Faith, we are strong enough to stand, even when we don't get all questions answered.  Our minds could not grasp the answers anyway. n So readers the "floor" is yours!  Tell me what you think?  I'll post more of my ideas another time.   Your input will help in my future post about suffering.  No judgement just an opoion poll.  I'm excited to see what You are thinking!

More of My Story... In pieces-

Someone on a chronic illness website is helping me write my story, for a Writer’s Therapy Group, and I wanted to share it with people I know first. He will edit, he is an author and has a BA in Journalism Thanks! He asked the questions I only wrote this as responses!














Sorry for any overlap from Part 1...  I had not planned on posting this, but it seemed fitting to make this part of the series.  You can find Part 1 Here



Background: I was born 2 months premature. And as far as we know this is what resulted in the lack of oxygen to my brain, which is the main cause of my Cerebral Palsy, I was also born breech. The left side of my body is weaker than the right. My left arm and draws up, and it takes much concentration to move it as it has mind of its own and moves some what uncountable hand. I use my right hand for everything, from holding the phone, to typing to driving my chair.

I have had 5 CP related surgeries. I missed both my 5th and 9th grade years due to 2 different hip surgeries to rebuild the hip socket in each hip, because it was bone against, I spent months in constant pain both times. After both surgeries, I spent 3 to 4 months in a full body cast with a long bar between my legs. The cast time was not so bad, because I could stay in one position, and not have to move, because before the surgery any movement of the lower half of my body would case me pain. The surgeries took away my hip, pain but the doctor said I would lose mobility and I did I hated physical Therapy. My bones became brittle and I had a few fractures. The first hip surgery I was bitter during my recovery period, but the second hip surgery, I was four years older a freshman in high school and prayed a lot, and drew closer to God during that time, and began to learn from 2 Cor 12:9 that God’s grace was sufficient for me!

I was mainstreamed into regular education classes except for Math, as I was always slower with numbers, but my reading comprehension and verbal skills are high. I am an outgoing person so I was mot really shy about interacting with students, but I never allowed relationships socially to interfere with my studies. I always had an aid with me because, I cannot scribe or write, because while I know what each letter looks like, because of CP, I did not have the motor skills to shape the letters with a pen, in other words there is a disconnect, between my brain and my muscles.

Here is a list of things I am unable to do: Cerebral affects each person in different ways, just because it affects one person one way, it does not mean it will have the same impact on another. Sometimes people with CP can be impacted cognitively, but I was, not though I often wondered if my struggles with math and my lack of directional sense are somehow connected to having Cerebral Palsy People are often quick to assume that people with CP are mentally challenged, and to be frank, when people have had that reaction many times, it started causing me to wonder if there was something wrong with me, so I made it my life mission to prove to myself and others that I’m mentally okay. I have to have someone, bathe, dress, and clean up after me every day. The issues I deal with are guilt, that others are left with the responsibility of taking care of my personal needs, and always trying to overcompensate in intellect and effort for the things I’m unable to do physically until a few years ago, my goal was “to be just like everyone else, and never allow myself be defined by CP and rarely took my limitations into account. The only time CP makes me sad is when it keeps me from enjoying deeper relationships. I have always wanted to take a walk on the beach, and I wondered if my sibling and I could better relate to one another if I had not had CP. I felt bad that he had to grow up with a sister who takes time away from him that is rightfully his. I feel bad that my mom has one adult child who in a physical sense will always be dependent on someone.

I tend to compare myself to others both without CP and with CP. On a good day, I focus on the good things in my life like, my volunteer work, and how I have been blessed I am to have an impact on others through God’s grace. I try also to focus on those things that are eternal, rather than that which is temporal. I choose to focus on the fact that I am loved by family and friends, and that I serve God who is molding me with each passing moment to become like Christ! CP has taught me better how to love people who are hurting. It has also taught me that life is bigger than me, and life isn’t about my comfort or my wellbeing. It has taught to be patient, and always attempt to see the best in others.

On a not so good day, it can be tempting to think my life isn’t all that spectacular, when compared to my peers, I mean I don’t have a paying job, I live at home, I’m not married and have no children. The truth is outside of being an author and speaker, I really don’t have a desire to be employed, and though I am sure I would gain a greater sense of dignity, if I could support myself finically, I would choose purpose and fulfillment any day over money as long as my basic needs are met When I compare myself to others with CP, sometimes why there are some things they’ve accomplished which I haven’t rarely remembering that the types of limits each of us have are different It is hard for me to imagine a male being attracted to me or wanting to share his life with me, when he could have an able- bodied wife falling at his feet. I am not even sure that logistically or emotionally I could be a wife or mom in the truest sense of the word.

For the most part good days far outweigh the bad, as long as I rely on and seek Christ, as He gives me purpose and fulfillment. My greatest sense of fulfillment seems to come from inspiring and ministering to others through written or spoken word.

What would it take to realize I am special? It would take people telling me over and over that it is okay to be different. That CP isn’t my fault, that God made me this way for a higher purpose, until I could believe it!
 Note I will be reconsidering those last 2 sentences as the Lord is doing some serious work in my heart.  It is panful, which is why I haven't posted sooner, but I'm glad some people care enough to confront me when I'm not thiinking like Christ!

Half Full Friday August 27th 2010

http://www.lifeaseyeseeit.blogspot.com/
       Began Half Full Friday @ her site.  She will resume in September.
Here are my joy filled thoughts for this week.

• I am joy filled that God is in control, when I have no idea what to do, or how to fix situations beyond my scope.
• I am joy filled that I found the show "If You Really knew me ON Demand, and yeah it is an MTV Show, and no I don't watch MTV much, but it is in my humble view, a powerful show.
• I am Joy Filled that though, it has not been a "perfect week" I can say I'm blessed and at peace.
• I am joyfilled about the qoute I found, "God permits those things He hates to accomplish the things He loves."  Isn't that amazing!?

But God.... Inspired by another Blogger

Hi,

    Wow I have so much I want to cover on this blog, I just don't know where to begin.  I will begin with a link to a, friend's blog, Kelli's Post-But God... inspired by her post, I decided to create my own list, to further understand the concept, see the link above. SENSITIVE CONTENT AHEAD YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. Be aware that if you have struggles or history of any type of self loathing or self harm, or think you may have a tendency to be tempted,you should be cautious about reading my list.  I'm not attempting to tempt anyone, exalt my sin, or lead others into the traps I've gone through on my journey.

Jenn me and Casey @ Women of Joy2010

I was lonely but God gave me true friends...
I was born 2 months premature and breech, a baby brought in the same time died, but God allowed me to life on earth.
I was in a cycle of despair and self harm, but God rescued me. 
My mom has had cancer three times, but God has spared her life. 
I am weak, but God gives me courage. 
I quit college, but God gave me purpose..
I had doubts, but God was merciful. 
I'm not a size, 2 but God says I'm favored within the beloved!
I have physical limits, but God, calls Me to serve him. 
I could have been mentally challenged, but God in his wisdom, gave me a sound mind. 
I thought I was worthless, but God showed me truth! 


I am finishing my story for you all and hope to post it soon.  Also stayed tuned for a post about invisible illness week.  Also at some point Lord willing I'll do another post on purpose in suffering! 

Thanks for stopping by....

HALF Full Friday Sorta August 20th 2010

http://www.lifeaseyeseeit.blogspot.com/ bega the half full Friday posts, and normally I would link my responses to her site, but she is on wedding sabbatical this month, but I'm still going to continue since I missed a few weeks  You can find out more about half full Friday @ the above link.

1. I am joy filled that my tummy is doing better today!
2. I am joy filled my family is healthy.
3. I am Joy Filled that I can use my "old" chair until my new one is fixed. 
4. I am joyfilled that mom said I can be a table host this year @ http://www.choicesprcchattanooga.org/ Banquet



Property of http://www.michaelwsmith.com/

5. I am joy filled that Smitty's new CD Wonder comes out next month
6. I am joy filled that my relationships are for the moment slowly improving.

These are only a few reasons that I'm joy filled!

Favorite stuff Monday!

Hi Bloggers:

    I want to go on bit of a lighter note today, and share some of my favorite things with you.  http://www.virtualredvine.com/products/Hershey%27s/hershey%27s%20box.jpg

So yummy in moderation! 

http://wwwgoogle.com/images

Again very yummy in Moderation ha!

So now you guys know "sweet stuff is a turn on for me!

OKAY so the pic is sideways but I love hugs!  Every good and perfect gift comes from above!

Wandering Blog-LOVE AIN'T EASY!

Hi Bloggers.

      As I'm sure you've noticed this blog has been a bit here there, and everywhere lately.  Try as I might to reign this writer in, I just can't seem to gain focus or develop a big picture.  I am well aware that this is because lately I've been "feeling" like there are few things I'm doing well, I know when I'm going down a road like this it is a slipery slope for me.   In the past few weeks, I've become almost so performance driven that even the "work" I enjoy doing has seem more like a chore to me.  I know that at the root of what is bothering me is a broken relationship with someone I love very much, and yet it is such a struggle for me to love this person most days, I have never in my life bent over backwards for someone, as I have this person  and when this person walks into the room silence between us is unbearable, and I'm utterly helpless in fixing the situation.  The anger that rises between us is volcanic, and somehow years of that unspoken resentment, has led to uncomfortable and awkward silence.  I have prayed countless prayers, sought endless counsel, and cried an ocean of tears, and this week a simple trivial issue, once again left me with hurt feelings and a rage that took me 48 hours to settle.  I CRAVE this person's love so bad, it is like a child waiting for affirmation from a parent.I know no matter what has happened this is an unfair burden to expect from this person  I went through similar craving for my dad, and seemed to be longing for the same in this situation, but the rejection hurts much more, because it is so direct and seems purposefully targeted. This person is not bad, and at the end of the day, if they called and said they needed me, I would drop everything, yeah I know it is kind of unhealthy   Anyway I learned this week that I tend to keep a mental record of the wrongs done to me by this person, or the wrongs I've done to this person.Ironic because I don't hold grudges with most people  So as I read the Love Chapter in the Bible this week, I asked God to take away my scoreboard, and while I'm a long way from restoration, I found freedom in this baby step.  I realize my blog was meant all along to reflect a devotional format, but I must go through the lesson, and work through it before it can be counted as a lesson learned.  Learn from my mistakes...  "Love is not easily angered, it keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS." 1 Cor. 13:5

That's the Story of God's work in my life Part One

Hi Bloggers:

  ....   Everything is lovely right now on my end of things.  Please pray though that I will better follow through and make better use of the time God blesses me with in regards to spiritual life, and that God will show me how he desires for me to use the talents and skills he has entrusted to me. 
Over a moth ago, I interviewed for a non-profit volunteer postion here in my area, but some some services they offered went agaainst my convictions, so I declined, because it was not the right fit.  I then found out about a minstry I have followed for years has volunteer postions. https://www.thehopeline.com/ so I'm applying.  i am also still adjusting to my new chair.  Yes still.  
     My post on July 26th was about lessons in suffering, and I fully expect a part 2, but that will come another day.  Today, though I want to do something else....

I want to tell some of mny story....  2 people this week, have asked what my story is, and to be honest, most the time I doge the question like the plague, but today I'm going  to try to hit some highlights.   I don't avoid it, because it makes me uncomfortable, I avoid it, because I don't want to make others uncomfortable. One I was born in Daytona Beach FL, and though I only spent 3 years there, a part of my heart is, and will always be connected to my birthplace, maybe it is because it is a memory of safety, that I have since often searched for in days past.  I was born with Cerebral Palsy which is a neurological disorder, which in my case effects my fine motor function.  In the case of some people, it also effects cognitive reasoning skills, but the grace  of God that hasn't really been an issue for me, except with perhaps math and science, but there may or may not be a link to CP with that  Here's a bit more info on it if you would like  it   http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/cerebralpalsy.html 
Amway I have sent a big chunk of my life totally attempting to ignore my limitations or overcompensate for my shortcomings.  If I head one time growing one time growing up, your no different than anyone else I must have heard a million times in one form or another from a teacher or distant relative, and I believed and enjoyed it, and even tried to live up to such statements.  I have lots of happy childhood memories playing games with my younger brother Justin and my older counsin Bill.  My parents separated when I was three and divorced 12 years later.  When they separated we moved to TN to live  with my grandparents, where we live now.  My mom at the same time had surgery for ovarian cancer when my brother was 6 months I was three.  I was a challenge for my grandparents for 2 weeks while my had surgery in FL.  When I was 9 my dad promised to come up for my birthday weekend and also  told  me that "someday"  we would be a family again.  Neither of those events occurred, but one thing that has always given me hope and comfort even as a little girl was going to church and learning about God.  As I have told you before, I remember hearing the Gospel when I was 7, and I suppose you could say accepted in as much as one can at that age.  I had a few leg related surgeries by the time I was 9.  I missed my 5th grade school year, until the following year, because i was in a body cast because of surgery to build me a hip socket, I was not a good sport,  and my outlook at the time was horrible, the doctor said the surgery would cause me to loose mobility but would relieve my hip pain, it did both.  I had a hairline fracture in my femur bone, and ended up in a body cast for 3 additional months, I actually enjoyed some part of being in the cast because, thatmeant no movement, which also meant no physical pain and people drew pictures on my cast, my family also had fun, because they could climb all over me andI'd never feel anything.   I had a home bound teacher that year, I liked school from home a lot better, as I've always liked learning one on one.  After I recovered I took my 5 grade year over and made great friends, but when I went to middle school, I wanted to graduate with the class I began with before my surgery, so in other words, I took 5th grade twice, skipped 6th and went to seventh.  Seventh grade was hell in some ways,.  I think that is when some of my anxiety began.  I started seriously doubting my Salvation and felt very misunderstood as I guess most people do at that age.  It caused problems between my mom and I and I am sure on my brother.  I had a love hate relationship with school mostly hate.  I excelled in academics, but it was never enough for me, I kept hearing over and over "you are no different, whicvh in mind meant you'll never measure up.  You aren't special.  I had one aid who I felt was emotionally abusive, but in my way of thinking I was never to challenge athoritrty I also had one great teacher in 7th grade though, and I'm sure without I never could have made it.  As for my spiritual struggles these were the very thing that drove me to the throne of God.  I learned how to read the Bible and pray at that time, not because I was plugged into a youth camp, I'm not saying those are bad, but I sought God, one in effort to settle my salvation, and cure my loneliness, the youth group came later.  Seeking God was where I found both assurance and intimacy but this was only the begin of God's ongoing work in me
My freshman year going into high school, I had surgery on the other hip, body cast again.  This was different though, because I relied upon God's grace and sensed his peace through the agony of physical therapy.  I discover ed 2 cor. 12:9 and my outlook changed.  I'll continue later, but maybe you wonder why I shared this with you well because God has called me as his child in Isa 63 to tell of his praiseworthy acts upon my life, and how He has carried me, and sustained me, and I'm going to need to speak a shorter version of my story over time, but to get myself use to "telling" the story God created for me, I need to write it like in Hk. chapter 2.  Thank you for reading my epic entry.

Two Little Words that mean so much more!

Hi All:

   Hope all is well with you!  My mom returned to work this week after a cancer free summer, the first one she has had in 2 years!!!!!!!!!  Exhaling with joy.  One year Ago today, I sat in ICU waiting room waiting  to see her..  Life was at the time so uncertain.    Thank you Lord, and thank you fellow bloggers for your prayers!  I sat here wondering what on earth to blog asbout, and the reality of this date hit me.  Suddenly my heart is overwhemled with thankfulness!  I honestly didn't know last year at this time, if my mom be here in 2010,, and now here she is thriving!  Though it seems to say so little.  I just wanted to say Thank you Lord, for taking care me and mom & thank you friends for your encouragement!

Lessons about Suffering Part One there will be more I think

By: T.J. Ellis








You are my Light

You are my Song

You are my Strength when all hope is gone

You are my Hiding Place

You are my Purser

You are The Lifter of My Head

You are The Protector of my soul.

You are Supreme above all things.

You are the Fulfiller of my Dreams

You are my Molder and my Potter

You are my Worthy Lamb!

You are my Strong and Tender Father

You are my Treasure Eternal

You are my Holy Savior

You are my cleansing

You are my Perfect Listener

You are my GOD!



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
So that is the songof my heart today... 
 
Today I was reminded that God is God, and I'm not.  I know that isn't news, but sometimes I am guilty of not choosing to . walk in the reality of the victory I have in Christ!  I have recently thought a lot about human suffering and the purpose of it.  This morning I found some answers in Isa. 53.  I will never know nor will I upon this earth comprehend the complexity of suffering, but there are some answers I have found.
1.  Jesus suffered unjustly, and never even opened his mouth....  This is found in Isa. 53:7 http://www.biblegateway.com/ Note: All passages can be found on this website(Also Note I've chosen to use the NIV) 
 He was oppressed and afflicted,



yet he did not open his mouth;


he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,


and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,


so he did not open his mouth." Isa. 53:7
Of course I''m not suggesting a healthy acknowledgement of suffering is unwarranted, nor am I saying  that we will be able to follow Jesus's example flawlessly either.Please also understand that if I'm preaching to anyone it is myself...   Jesus more than any of us had reason to complain, and he made another choice even as he endured the agony of the cross  He focused upward. 
2.God's ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are than ours.  Isa. 55:9 As the heavens are higher than the earth,


so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."
3. God has a purpose for suffering, and He always knows the big picture unlike us, He does not just look at immediate effects and instant outcomes, He has a long range view, an eternal perspective.  Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose.

4. Finally Jesus always knew God had a greater purpose for suffering.  I admit this is the concept I wrestle with the most, but I'm going to keep seeking and searching even though my limited mind does not fully understand and I'm not sure I was ever really meant to.  Isa. 53:10 "Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,



and though the LORD makes  his life a guilt offering,


he will see his offspring and prolong his days,


and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand."






I have more I'm processing on this topic, but I will stop here for now..  Please let me know your thoughts, do you relate agree or have another take on the topic?  This is a new journey for me, one that is only just beginning