The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Faithful God, and New year Blues!


Happy new Year! I must confess yesterday the first day of the new year was a really down day for me. I see all these people who have what seem to be these exciting lives, and while I am happy for them, sometimes I wonder where I'd be and What my life would be like without Cerebral Palsy? Would I have my own house? Would I already have a college degree? Would I be engaged by now? Would I be married by now? Yesterday I found myself in tears. The questions swirled around in my head. I tried for so long to do everything I could to avoid such questions. It was probably just me having one of my girl days- I was also thinking how can I ask God to forgive me for failing him again. Then it hit me last night.... God does not grow tired! When I am faithless he is faithful for he cannot deny himself 2 Tim.2:13 God has no wickedness in him! Everything he does serves a purpose nothing he does is in vain! I was reminded again that while God does not remove the consequences of sin, his love and faithfulness to me and for me are not dependent on how faithful I am!

Last night as I finally got the courage to lay my heart out before God I was relieved to find him faithful! Not casting eyes of judgement, but his arms open wide with mercy. I began the day angry with myself, and yes I admit it, I just felt angry and I wanted to direct it at God. Partly because my time with God was interrupted by home health care after requesting they not come yesterday. Yes I was nice, and yes for those who don't know if my routines are changed, I often come unglued. I ended the day comforted by God. The great thing about God, is most people can't handle a pity party, but God does not move, he is right there waiting! He can handle it, because he is faithful! Where do you need him to remind you he is faithful?