Wednesday, October 18, 2017
This post is going be different from any I have shared with you before. This is a letter to those who may be hanging by a thread and feel their hope is almost lost. Last year at this time, this very week, that is where I was. A month before this I said goodbye to a dog I dearly loved, Lost a caregiver in a rather messy situation, was getting adjusted to being in my mom's old bedroom, and was processing a death by suicide of someone I knew, though not well. On top of this grief, anxiety, and depression were never far away, as hard as I tried to be strong. Last year at this time, I went to my well-meaning doctor asking for advice. She suggested 2 medications which in my case didn't interact well. As a result, I began having panic attacks worse than anything I had in my life. Thankfully for me, a well-educated counselor figured out it was that Medicine was making things much worse. My family and close friends knew how bad things were. I was afraid to be alone which I never am. I slept that entire week, and when I was not sleeping, I was crying. I wasn't able to function at the time much less read the Bible. and I no desire to see anyone much less go out. I remember one day praying to God, and saying, if this is all there is for me, then please take me home, because I can't bear living this way. There is a lot of this time I don't remember, nor do I want to. I remember though hearing the closest thing to God speaking to me that I can ever remember. I heard a whisper in my spirit saying Teej, I've got you, and I'm not letting you go. I love you and I'm not finished with you yet. That was first real ounce of hope I had felt for some time. Thanks to my devoted loving family and friends, some really cool coworkers, and most of all God himself and medical provision from him. I found joy again, and a desire to live fully alive! Do I still struggle, yes and to some degree maybe always will, but tonight I want to celebrate that I'm not where I was, and I pray I'm never ever there again! A year later I have seen God continue to rescue and liberate me from a broken and damaged mind and heart. My joy is full through my struggle is at times present. I know many of you are hurting out there, and I want you to know you are not alone in your struggles, sickness, fears or whatever you are facing. You may not see better days coming, but I promise if you keep breathing, and showing up every day you will find your sunsets again! You will see light instead of darkness. You will find hope instead of despair. Comfort instead of grief. You will find the song of your soul again. If you are going to find it though you have to hold on with faith that better days are waiting ahead just beyond the storm! Hope is coming, reach out and grab with every tiny step it is coming. Do you see it in the distance? If not, you will just keep reaching it is coming. You are loved, and your story is only just beginning. Celebrate where you are, and how far you've come, dream about where you are going, but above all hold on to the hope in front of you, even if you can onlyfind a flicker of it now, more will come in due time.