Why after so many months would I write now? Perhaps I've forgotten how. Who is reading now any way says the chatterbox inside my head. Some people only enjoy reading funny stories, others only like thrillers or sappy, or positive things Some refuse to read anything with the slightest sadness. Be aware this post may contain all of the above.. There are some things I want to say about my mom. I wish to write only from my own prospective, as that is the only one I can speak from. Please feel no pressure to read this as for some it might be too close for comfort right now. Mom will be mentioned all through this post, and so if you choose to read it, please do go into reading it blindly. On April 24th, my mom entered heaven. I recognize this isn't just my loss, but my family and friends loss too. I do not feel it is fair to speak for them in this post so I will speak for me. Thank you all the love and support you have shown for so long!
A few nights ago, I began reading my mom's prayer journal which stays next to a bible she wanted me to have.Mom was never one for
journaling, until the year 2012, when a friend from church gave her this journal in the middle of her cancer journey. This was a gift not only to her, but now to me and will be to our family. I won't share any entries as my family has not be able to read it yet, and plus in some ways to share something so sacred takes the beauty away. Here are some things I learned. and some I already knew. I learned there is power in journaling, and if it is a journal to God is never time wasted.
I learned I should attempt to journal more instead of less, because you never how much a journal might impact someone one day.
I learned mom had great strength, but she had that strength because she depended upon God for her strength.
I learned she loved people and prayed often for so many who never knew they were on her radar.
I learned she was not perfect, but she never let that stop her from being better.
I learned she struggled though she never complained.
I learned how much she loved my brother and me and her prayers showed it well.
I learned she trusted God even when life didn't go her way.
I learned she showed bravery that comes from God.
I relearned how deeply she loved her family.
I learned her faith never wavered.
I learned she got her Miracle, it just came in the form of heaven instead of earth.
I learned that I want to be more like her as I grow up. Yesterday our pastor talked about thorns in the flesh. We all have them, and I believe mom's greatest thorn for the past eight years has been cancer. I rejoice because in heaven, I know that the thorn that she pleaded with God to take away is now gone from her forever! What does any of this have to do with you? Well you see I know there are those out there struggling with death whether it be the loss of mom or someone else in your life. God's ways are not ours but this does not mean he loves any less or his presence is any less near to us. Isa. 55:9 Romans 8:38-39. If you trust Jesus with your life and your eternity, you can know the God my mom knew, and the God I know will allow me to see her again. Time is priceless... Live with joy. As the saying says: Live laugh, and love! There was honestly nothing about my mom that was bitter about anything she faced in life, so if we want to honor her whether you knew or not, LIVE AND LET GO of whatever makes you bitter! laugh with me and live with joy in full!
