Saturday, April 21, 2012
Yes it been a minute! I never intended for this blog to be a diary. I love writing and believe God has given me a gift. Over the last month there have been crazy up and downs in my life, days when I look back and think Lord How did we get through this day, and I know it is only because God has held me. It isn't just one thing, it is many things, My mom's health, changes in caregivers @ least for several weeks while my regular had surgery. Some came with rudeness and others came with emotional neediness. Broken relationships, lack of sleep, Good news bad news Choices work, you name it. I have several meltdowns in recent weeks, and after receiving the amazing that Mom's health is stable, meaning no increase in cancer growth, which I've rejoiced greatly over, and thanking God for. I can't shake this feeling I've failed God in recent weeks. My instant response has not been to trust God, even though I've seen him provide again and again. By God's grace I was invited and enabled to speak @ at a conference last night, and though I know God was faithful, I barely made it through, but with God's help I did, much to the praise of those listening. I know it wasn't "my" best, but God used my weakness. It is constant struggle not be angry with myself right now, and just rest in God's love for me. I feel like the kid who is kicking and screaming in the floor yet, not even he knows why... I still know, that God is who he claims he is! I still know, He is true to his word. I still know He is God! I still know He has not given up on me! I still know he is with me! I STILL KNOW, HE IS LOVING! I STILL KNOW I HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE THANKFUL! I STILL KNOW MY GOD IS GREATER! I Still KNOW MY GOD IS LOVE! Tell me what you still know?