I have started several posts, this week and well thoose just haven't worked well. Today is Friday, so mom will return home from Nashville tomorrow. Sometimes, I think that when people know you love to write, they somehow think it comes easy to express yourself, but guess what it isn't. When I write, what's in my heart comes out. I wish sometimes I could write about surface stuff but I can't. I wonder sometimes does this make me a bad writer? I sometimes would love to write about what I had for lunch, but I'm easily bored by small talk, and am often seen as "too serious" because I like to have deep enriching conversations, though those are often seasoned with humor. I often feel melancholy, because in reality sometimes it takes every ounce in me to hide my true feelings and thoughts about things. People don't want real too often, they want nice, neat and simple. I take comfort in the fact that I can't pretend with God. I'm learning slowly that there is no pretense with God. He knows me, and doesn't grow tired of me, that amazes me. I often want to write about having a family member who has cancer, and encourage others, but sometimes it feels like people don't want to read too much about that, because it provides a reality check for those who read. I also sometimes want to write about the ups and downs of CP, but I'm not sure how that will come across to readers either. I want to write about anger and bitterness . I want to write about hope in trials, but I'm well aware I risk losing the readers I have by doing so. So as this swirls around in my brain, in the meantime,- I will tell you what I'm thankful for:
- I'm thankful my mom's new trial is going so well so far.
- Friends who are real.
- Conflicts resolved
- The joy of prayer and repentance
- New mercies
- Good books
- The right to process information before making it public.
