The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Saturday, April 27, 2019

The space between us. An update letter to you...

Where has the sunset lady been since her last post on November 15th?  Well in January my wonderful grandmother's health, began to decline, the details I will not share because while I lived the story with her, it is not my own story to tell.  I will honor her with the dignity and grace because while the mind does strange things and even alters personality and memory, the heart is still there.      I will say a dementia diagnosis was finally made and medication provided.    Her quality of life has improved a lot since being on medication.       She is a trooper!  So many funny moments and a few repetitive ones also.    One thing is for sure, she is super loved and support.  In a new, way she is just as protective and caring as she always has been.      I have increased the amount of care I'm getting through the agency because needs change.
 Soon two of my caregivers will be on leave which is two of my most steady workers.    Working those details out currently.    The extra hours are of help both for my family and I are true lifesavers.  I am thankful for God's provision.     Mumzie does not get out much, because is physically and mentally exhausting, but she did d go to her grandson's baseball game recently, and a Good Friday church service and Easter Lunch with family.   She enjoyed all of these.   I continue to volunteer with Choices on Tues and sometimes Fridays.
Thursday is store and errands day, I like to feel as if I am contributing to the house in a few small ways.  Plus I hope it is hopeful it helps Aunt as she so kindly brings our dinner at least 5 nights week when caregivers are not set to come.  She and my uncle both face health challenges, but neither of them misses a beat.    They often pick up all four grandkids from school and of course, their grandchildren adore them.  My aunt takes my grandmother to all her doctor visits.  She is active in church on numerous committees and is checking to make sure my grandmother has her meds prepared.  She is very good at multitasking and is one of the most organized people God ever made.  She serves as a taxi for her family I included.   I truly don't know how she and my uncle have anything left they do so much, and I often think God,  I know everyone different, but I both envy and admire their ability to juggle so many things at once.  Not only happy things like Birthdays, weddings, births but really had stuff like loss and unexpected crisis too. Why can't I be more like them?  I often ask myself this question.  Why is it I seem to require more physical and even sometimes even more emotional rest than others.    There always seems to an obstacle with my care, and just when you think one problem is solved other surfaces.  Yet God always gives the grace to meet my every need.  He is always there to pick me up when I fall or feel as if things are just hard.    Am I saying my life is harder or as hard than someone else's,  no?   Am I throwing my own pity party I pray this isn't the case?     My point is this,  Jesus never pretended He did not get tired, nor did He claim life or the cross an easy or even that it was desirable.  John 16:33

Keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat. down at the right hand of God’s throne."   Hebrews 12:2 Jesus knew there would be an unbearable shame and agony going to the cross.  It wasn't all he knew though.  He knew the souls the cross would bring forgiveness, hope, and peace to a desperately dying and broke wounded imperfect people with names, skin tones, personalities, and pasts.      It was the joy of what the cross would accomplish and fulfill the divine purpose of The Father which enabled Jesus to endure.  As I write this there is a question floating around in my brain.  How do you find your sunset moments when life demands you rise to the occasion when life is hard,  Moments are mixed with joy and sadness.    How do you find your sunset when busy screams loud?   When worry makes you weary, and you find you tempted to live on autopilot instead of embracing intentional abudnant living?  
     Here are some helpful reminders for me.  I hope you find these helpful.
1. breathe
2. Look to the example Jesus gave!
3.    Look for encouragement and blessings others have blessed you with.  For me this week it has birthdays cards and cakes!  
4. Resist the urge to compare to others.  I did the opposite above.     

    Slowly working on choosing to Live!    Don't miss your Sunset!