Get Out Of Eygpt!

Friends

Most of the time I have a post in my head, before it ever appears on this blog,  Today  the same is true, except I don't know the ending, nor do I know how this will be received,.  I'm nervous to put it out there.  Several months ago-shortly after returning from She Speaks Writer/Speaker conference, a question surfaced in my head as I began to ask God to lead me.  I don't think that question came from me.  .  The truth is most of the pain I've carried with me through the years has been related to the academic scene.  I have little confidence in my intellect in some areas.  If you put my in a room with well educated people, I feel inferior.  It does not matter that most of my grades through my life have been above average  mostly that came from effort, not from a stellar IQ  The question was would you be willing to go back to school if I asked you to?  Please God anything you want, just not this I thought.  I told no one for months. First for fear that they would think that I'd lost my mind, worse  they might try to pressure me into a commitment. I was not entirely sure I was being asked to make.  Those of you who know me are aware that college for the time I attended, at least the latter, part was a complete nightmare in which I dropped out  I''ll spare you the details...I promise there's a lesson in all this.  Until last week, I had been a nervous wreck over trying to understand what all this means, and angry, that if the question was from God, that He would ask me to revisit an area of my life that I still  wear as a badge of shame.  As I met with a mentor recently, she reminded that I had been asked if I was willing, but had not been given further steps than that.  I looked at her puzzled...  Through tears, "Why would God ask me to be willing to do something, unless He wanted me to actually follow through?" I asked.  "Maybe it is a test of your willingness to obey regardless of the next steps."  she said.  A sense of relief swept over me in that moment.  It wasn't the first time God had asked to lay my own will for my life down, in exchange for His.  He asked me to lay my will down in the area of my mom's health, long ago; just like He asked Abraham to lay Issac on God's altar.  I did, and am  doing this daily .  I don't know when, or if God will command me to pursue a degree in the field that crossed my mind that day.  I have sincerely expressed my desire and willingness to be in God's will  even if that means going back to college.  In Joshua 5:9 God tells Joshua that He rolled away the shame of being in slavery in Egypt  .then the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt." So that place has been called Gilgal to this day.  I admit I have never actually been to the place of Egypt, however my past with college  even 8 years later,is my Egypt. So imagine how freeing it was when I read this verse!  God has taken the badge of shame away from me, just like He did for Joshua and Israel as a nation, but imagine if  Joshua had continued to stay in his Egypt- in his mindset, even, after the Lord brought him out of bondage.  Sometimes I think the reason Israel could not get it together, is because they kept focusing on their dark past in Egypt, instead of accepting that God had rolled that shame away,  When we stay in our Egypt, symbolically, we forfeit the joy God desires  to give us by moving us to a new places in our lives.  Our own Gillgal is prepared for us, but our mindset, remains in the land of  Egypt  We all have Egypt in our lives, things that bring us shame.  For some, it is divorce, an abusive past, a one night stand, words we can't take back, how much more has the blood of Christ, removed shame from us!  How much more has Christ removed and redeemed the dark places of our lives, with the light!  Do you want to let go of Egypt with me?  It's your destiny too!  I wrote this down, so we can remember it together!  Our shame has been rolled away, the way the stone was on the day of Resurrection, but I/ we have to be willing to refuse to wear a false badge of shame in our lives!  I want to get out of Egypt: please come with me, as we embrace the fact that Christ has removed the shame from us!     .

Change is here...

Over the last year and a half there have been some small changes happening mostly on the inside of me.  I've embraced unconditional love from God,  I am becoming more secure in him.  His love and acceptance have begun to make it's way from my head to my heart, which is why I have chosen to celebrate the change as reminder of how far God has brought me from where I've been.  I believe our lives are not just a journey of our own, but are meant to inspire and encourage others.  When I began this blog years ago, the tagline was "my place in this blogging world", it was meant to be a reflection of finding my place in this world. My focus has now changed, and it is my desire to reflect that here.  So the tagline is now from Head to Heart.  So I hope you embrace the seemingly mild changes here friends, because one thing I'm learning is that change is going to happen whether we embrace it or not .    It has been good and busy birthday month that has now come to a close.
        Are you in a season of change or stillness?

Whatever season it is our lives, God wants us to invite his presence into it!  

                                                                            

When God Says "No" Do We Say Thanks or Why Not?

Hello,

     Here I am playing blog catch up again.  I wonder how I will recap everything since my last post.  Thank you for those of you who have prayed for the Hand Humbert family.  Baby Hope is recovering well.  Todd still needs prayer and the rest of the family.  Mike Hand needs lots of prayer as takes harsh chemo.  If you want to follow the journey go to my friend Jenn's Blog she would be encouraged by your comments...  Last Saturday I had an early 30th birthday party, and I had a great time!  If you are reading this and you were there thank you....
      My life has been super busy lately, and admittedly I am at my best when I have time to be still.  At times I feel that I'm torn because I want to have a Mary spirit, but at times I wish I could be Martha, because Martha is the one people seem to value more  Martha has a check list, and before the day is over every one cheers  our world and even Christians see the fruit of her work.  They see what she spent hours using her energy on.  Do you know what I envy most about Mary?  Her world didn't fall apart because Martha was offended by her actions.  Being the approval addict in progress that I am, it is easy to want tangible affirmation.  The question is will I look to Jesus for approval already granted, or approval not certain from others    She let Jesus deal with Martha's disapproval.She didn't wilt at the first hint of rejection, but her greatest delight was to please Jesus himself.  Oh how I want this to be true of me, as it was of the Apostle Paul and others  Lk. 37-40 Let me switch gears for a minute to make the point  Num.  22 contains such precious truth in it.  Will you allow me to quickly hit some of the highlights?        Bible text here Numbers 22  Balak sends for Balaam to curse God's people in battle.  Each time Balaam seeks God, in accordance with the covenant.  God sent word each time that he would not curse his chosen people, in fact He would bless them despite years of rebellion.  As a side note, isn't that just like God to relent from giving us what we deserve and give us something far greater?      Balaam wasn't a perfect servant any more that we are, He  was at one point totally unaware of what God was doing to the degree  that God made a donkey talk to get his attention.  In the end, Balaam continued to obey God no matter what it could cost him.  In that time period, one might lose their life if they refused a person in power.  To those who know me know I've struggled for years with waiting to please people, and at times it can be a hindrance life and in faith, but the more I embrace God's no strings attached acceptance, the more it seems to point me toward a sincere desire to obey God.  I don't know about you, but sometimes in my sinful nature, I wrestle with wanting to force things to happen, instead of seeing closed doors as God's blessing and protection.  Last month, I prayed about a possible job situation, and when it because clear it would not work, I was disappointed and dejected.  You see, I forgot that I had asked God to close the door if it wasn't his will.  That's exactly what He did.  I asked Him to forgive me for not thanking Him for answering my prayer, and instead focusing on wishing his answer was yes.  It had gotten to the point that I wanted a "yes" for all the wrong reasons.  I wanted the "yes" answer, because then I'd look like Martha.  I could see myself, and others would see my work as productive, but as a sister in Christ reminded me, it not about being productive, its about being meaningful, and honoring Christ, not myself.  The world we live in has an entirely different value system than the one Christ called his followers to.  Yes, work is a biblical principle, but whether it for money or not, that should never be the entire motive for why we work, or where we get our identity from.  Yes, a job is a means to fulfill financial irresponsibility, but I have to believe God wants more than that for his children,
Have you ever thanked God for the "no's" or "Not Yet's" in your life?  Care to share?.          

What if Easter were tomorrow

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If you celebrated Easter today, I hope it was a blessed one... If you don't celebrate  it then I'm sorry to say you might be a bit bored with my post.  Of all the holidays, I celebrate, I can say Easter means more to me than all the others!  I hope you watch the video above.  Christians everywhere worshiped their living and Risen Savior today!  You know what would be even better?  If you and I woke up with the same awe and wonder tomorrow about Christ coming to earth, living a perfect life, dying in our place and becoming alive again.  I have a confession to make, most days I don't live with this amazing sense of purpose and victory my Savior has afforded me.....  Oh I long to live in such a way that declares hope to others.  How I want to give as He gives and love as He loves!

    On Thursday a dear friend of mine, her husband and 2 children were in a terrible wreck, when a deer came through their windshield and landed in the backseat.  Praise God they are alive, but their 6 month old baby has bleeding on the brain, and my friend's husband has many surgical procedures ahead, and a long road to full recovery.  Please remember them in prayer with me.  Also My friend's dad was diagnosed with Leukemia recently.  Through it all, the Hand/Humbert family clinging ever so tightly to the hope that comes from a living Savior! Only A Savior, who is worthy-Jesus Christ has made the impossible, possible friends!  What if Easter were tomorrow and every day after that?  You know what, as Christians, I think that  is as it should be!  What do you enjoy celebrating and why do you celebrate it?

Keep an Open Heart about Miracles

Do you ever find yourself searching, waiting looking expecting a miracle?   Do you ever wonder why some people seem to get theirs right a way, while others wait months even years or even until eternity at times for answers or relief?  Lately, I've had conversations with multiple people as we wrestle prayerfully and reverently with this question... Every time my mom went into remission, I thought here is it is.  The miracle we have looked for, and it was for a season in time, and I'm still thankful for it.  A road once marked with little hope, in the form of a clinical trial, was it my ideal hope dream for my mom?  Nope, in all honesty, there was a  time about 2 years ago when I wanted desperately total healing and anything else seemed unfathomable.  Do I still want and wish for total healing for my mom and others I love yes.  Right now, her miracle is slight decreasing in the cancer, and that is a miracle!    Do I believe in miracles oh yes.  I am learning to view miracles differently now, but it continues to be a work in progress.  I don't talk about it much, but on rare occasions, a very few people have said God's will is always to Physically heal people.  There are some churches who teach this very thing, I beg to differ.  God is not limited to one type of healing. Healing comes in different forms.  Healing comes sometimes, a little more every day, in the form of grace carrying a person moment by moment hour by hour.  Some miracles come in the words your condition is stable or improving when just weeks before it seems you had run out of options.  The Gospel itself is a miracle.  The fact that your reading this, and I am writing it, is a remarkable gift.  I'm waiting on miracles too, but the act of trusting and expressing thanks and praise even in waiting is in itself is a miracle.  It might not be in the time frame or form you thought it might come in, but God often changes our thinking to match his, and the fact that you and I can relate as frail human beings to the living God IS and always will be the greatest miracle in all of history.  The fact that God listened to me as I lifted up names in prayer today is miraculous.  When Christians around the globe stand for Christ, even though their lives are in danger, is the power of God's miraculous work!  Often our hearts become numb to the wonderful work God is doing, because we have closed our eyes, and chosen not to see God's fingerprints in our lives.     I'm asking God to open my eyes, to remember and praise Him for "big" and "little" miracles alike.  Will you do the same, and then lets share God's works with many around us, who need to be reminded that God Is working, because celebrating God's works, will always bring us back to his heart! 

    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.¹² I will consider all your works    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”¹³ Your ways, God, are holy.    What god is as great as our God?¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;    you display your power among the peoples.  PS. 77:12-14.  www.biblegateway.com 

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Since God has performed miracles in the past, we can rejoice, and trust He is still working.  We must not be narrow minded in the way we view miracles.  Embrace the wonder of what God did in the past, and trust his ways for us when we are looking for and waiting upon his miracles in our present.  For more on a day by day miracle visit  http://www.comingaliveministries-jenn.com/2013/03/joy.html My friend Jenn Hand's blog.  Please continue to pray for Mike Hand and others who need God's touch.  We all need miracles in so many areas.  Let's praise God for what He has done, and is still doing in our lives!  

Leaning the Right Way When Cancer Strikes...

This post is in honor of the Hand family, and other walking miracle people in my life, like my mom. You can lean on me, and more important, you can and are leaning on our Faithful God!  

          In high school my friends and I used this as this as a theme song of sorts.  I have always liked the song though it was popular at a time before I was born.  This song always makes me smile when I hear it.  It makes me think of  classmates and FCA gathering in our basement.  I've needed, something to make me smile this past week.  One reason is because last week I came down with Chicken Pox, and it has been painful which I didn't expect.  I went to the ER last Thursday.  That same day I got the news that my 2 dear friends who are twins- there dad had just been told he has acute Leukemia.  It was like a knife cutting through my heart as my dear shared the news.  I was not so much hurting for myself, though I love her dad so much and he and Mama Hand as we call them, have always treated me like royalty.  I would have done anything in that  moment to ease my friend's pain.  "God please not this, not cancer, don't ask this of them, don't ask them to walk this path."  I flashed back to how sick my mom was during her aggressive chemo.  I tried to sound strong for my friend, but the hurt overwhelmed me in the moment.  All I knew to do was say how sorry I was, to promise my love and prayers.  Our  friendship is one I don't worry i'll ever lose. This is rare for me in relationships.  We have made it through foreign countries, secret crushes, and more.  I also flashed back to words God gave me during one of the darkest times finding out my own Mom's  cancer was back yet again.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5  I heard the verse in a sermon about a month ago, and all but fell apart for many reasons.  1. I often don't trust God and his ways, but I'm learning to more daily 2. I sometimes lean on other things or people when there are things I don't understand about life, like cancer or other disappointments in life, instead of leaning on the Everlasting Arms of God.    I have a side piece on my chair that keeps me from leaning too far on my right side.  It works so well at times that all my weight shifts to the left side at times making my body unbalanced.  In those times when I have chosen to lean on God with everything, He has never once failed me.  He has never turned me away or mocked my need for him.  He does not find my burden too heavy or my hurt too deep.  I struggle sometimes with the false idea that God sees me as insignificant, but his word says otherwise.  God invites you and me  to come to him in our brokenness.  When we choose not to lean on God we are acting in rebellion..       Like me, I bet there are things you don't understand in your life.  Guess what our lack of understanding does not justify our lack  of trust.God.  However God does understand that we are frail  The hardest thing in the world is to trust God's heart, when we don't understand his ways .  It can be done- when we lean on God.  I've seen it,  I've seen in my mom and in my best friends lives. More than that God is teaching me and has taught me, he is enabling me to lean on him.  It is not wrong to lean upon others, or let others lean on us, but if we fail to lean on Jesus most, we are not leaning the right way, and no one else can uphold us like Jesus can and does!.  Ps. 18:30 Ps.33:4. He is trustworthy!  He can be trusted with the our unknowns.  He can be trusted to fulfill his promises!  He can be trusted to forgive us, to give us hope moment by moment hour by hour.  He can be trusted when others leave us behind or leave us out.  He can be trusted when the world around us feels as if it is caving in. He can be leaned upon rain or shine, dark or light.  I want to lean the right way, which is in trusting the heart and nature of God.  Do you hear him inviting us to lean upon his Everlasting Arms?  

BUSY SIGNAL

It is a couple weeks short of being two months since my last post.  It has been a busy couple months.  I am without a personal computer which makes it hard to post...  A new computer came today, hopefully it can be setup soon!  I have family coming in this weekend.  I have recently been dealing with Carpal Tunnel and other chronic health, issues but nothing serious.  Being away from the computer has made me more prayerful which I've needed.  I miss visiting your blogs.    Mom got a good report last scan, there has been small deceases in some of the cancer, and no growth in the other areas!  Praise the Lord!  I have had a couple speaking engagements lately that by God's grace have gone amazingly well!  Also fundraising for Choices, which is near to my heart...  Hope to hear from you all... I will visit your blogs soon, Lord willing!