Monday, May 13, 2013
Most of the time I have a post in my head, before it ever appears on this blog, Today the same is true, except I don't know the ending, nor do I know how this will be received,. I'm nervous to put it out there. Several months ago-shortly after returning from She Speaks Writer/Speaker conference, a question surfaced in my head as I began to ask God to lead me. I don't think that question came from me. . The truth is most of the pain I've carried with me through the years has been related to the academic scene. I have little confidence in my intellect in some areas. If you put my in a room with well educated people, I feel inferior. It does not matter that most of my grades through my life have been above average mostly that came from effort, not from a stellar IQ The question was would you be willing to go back to school if I asked you to? Please God anything you want, just not this I thought. I told no one for months. First for fear that they would think that I'd lost my mind, worse they might try to pressure me into a commitment. I was not entirely sure I was being asked to make. Those of you who know me are aware that college for the time I attended, at least the latter, part was a complete nightmare in which I dropped out I''ll spare you the details...I promise there's a lesson in all this. Until last week, I had been a nervous wreck over trying to understand what all this means, and angry, that if the question was from God, that He would ask me to revisit an area of my life that I still wear as a badge of shame. As I met with a mentor recently, she reminded that I had been asked if I was willing, but had not been given further steps than that. I looked at her puzzled... Through tears, "Why would God ask me to be willing to do something, unless He wanted me to actually follow through?" I asked. "Maybe it is a test of your willingness to obey regardless of the next steps." she said. A sense of relief swept over me in that moment. It wasn't the first time God had asked to lay my own will for my life down, in exchange for His. He asked me to lay my will down in the area of my mom's health, long ago; just like He asked Abraham to lay Issac on God's altar. I did, and am doing this daily . I don't know when, or if God will command me to pursue a degree in the field that crossed my mind that day. I have sincerely expressed my desire and willingness to be in God's will even if that means going back to college. In Joshua 5:9 God tells Joshua that He rolled away the shame of being in slavery in Egypt .then the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt." So that place has been called Gilgal to this day. I admit I have never actually been to the place of Egypt, however my past with college even 8 years later,is my Egypt. So imagine how freeing it was when I read this verse! God has taken the badge of shame away from me, just like He did for Joshua and Israel as a nation, but imagine if Joshua had continued to stay in his Egypt- in his mindset, even, after the Lord brought him out of bondage. Sometimes I think the reason Israel could not get it together, is because they kept focusing on their dark past in Egypt, instead of accepting that God had rolled that shame away, When we stay in our Egypt, symbolically, we forfeit the joy God desires to give us by moving us to a new places in our lives. Our own Gillgal is prepared for us, but our mindset, remains in the land of Egypt We all have Egypt in our lives, things that bring us shame. For some, it is divorce, an abusive past, a one night stand, words we can't take back, how much more has the blood of Christ, removed shame from us! How much more has Christ removed and redeemed the dark places of our lives, with the light! Do you want to let go of Egypt with me? It's your destiny too! I wrote this down, so we can remember it together! Our shame has been rolled away, the way the stone was on the day of Resurrection, but I/ we have to be willing to refuse to wear a false badge of shame in our lives! I want to get out of Egypt: please come with me, as we embrace the fact that Christ has removed the shame from us! .