The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Refusing to stay stuck

Hello,

Hope you all are well. I hope you enjoyed the pictures from our small town trip. I have had a bacterial infection similar to a UTI for more than a week, and am on 500 mg of kefleex for three weeks. I have this friend/volunteer boss Molly who reads me blog, and she is sweet and supportive, and yet, She has something I have very little of.... What is that? She has a Backbone, and I mean that as a compliment. I run from conflict, like the plague. If my feelings are hurt, I do what is called stuffing, and it is not the taste good kind. If I am mad or my veiws are disregarded, I stay quiet, or just assume I should have never said anything, At times, it is the worst feeling in the world to want to speak up, and say hey I'm not okay with this, but the moment you do, your guilt tank kicks in, whether it needs to or not. It's like excuse my graphic picture, but when you have to pee so bad you think you will brust, but there is no place to go, so you hold it until there no possible way you can hold it anymore, in other words, your stuck... Your stuck unless you use whatever resources you have. At that point, you can no longer focus on how unfair the situation is just have to find a quick solution to your delima, you cannot stay stuck, you have to make a choice for better or worse. You can't look back, and replay the choice over in your mind, wondering if it is the right one. I am a lousy decision maker. I have trouble with even the smallest choices. I hold on to things, and memories even if I don't talk about them. I never really seem to let things go, even if on the outside it seems I do. But the Bible says: Phil. 3:14 says: www. Biblegateway.com Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. This is an important message to people like me who are stuck in or defined by their past mistakes, My mom always says don't worry about the past, because you cannot change it. I hate when she tells me that, because one it's hard to do, but also because it is such a painful truth. The freedom comes when we know that while we cannot change our past, we can learn from it. Paul had a painful guilt filled past, but somehow with God's love and forgiveness. he found freedom to forgive himself, and move on. He found victory! Lord I don't want to be stuck anymore. I''m choosing to forget, now please help me not remember. I'm ready to forgive myself, willing to forgive myself, to be used you. So, do you want to forgot, in order to take hold of Christ. If so, we are on the journey to begin again together

4 comments:

Glenda, saved by grace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Glenda, saved by grace said...

I hope and pray you respond well to your antibiotic. I absolutely HATE being sick.
I know what you mean about being stuck...You know here lately I have been very bold about what I believe to be truth from the bible. I am very sorry that we "agree to disagree" but sometimes that happens.As you said we are to "press on toward the mark"
I love you little sister!


Ps that was my comment that was deleted. I had a typo! :)

Dee said...

Hi, I think we have similar guilt tanks..i have had to get unstuck a few times in my christian walk and recieved freedom and peace when i did. I would like to be bolder and be able to take a stand on my beliefs like others can...but i am me. If it is realllly reallly important i have surprised myself. You are still in your youth and change comes slow..but it comes. Victory is yours. You are so much wiser at your age than i was..gosh..your wiser than i am now. :-)

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

TJ - praying for you precious friend!