The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pulling hair out! Venting!


Warning there is no telling what this post may be about. I have been trying to send an e-mail out to over 100 people for 2 hours for my volunteer work. My email provider refuses to send the message, because it says it contains too many contacts. The ironic thing is, that only one contact has been added since the last mailing. It is an urgent prayer request that one of the volunteers/former staff asked me to send out ASAP.

It is time for the Walk For Life fundraiser and I have no clue how to involve my church in this, because there so much happening in the spring. I have been trying to meet with one of our church staff since Feb about personal matters without any family involvement which totally makes little sense now that I'm posting about it on a public blog. The truth is there are aspects of CP I hate, and I hate myself for that. I don't hate everything about in fact not even most things, but one thing I hate is the lack of control and privacy I have in my life. I hate that someone else has to know when I have to go to the bathroom, and that I can't do that by myself, but instead in that respect I am less than a toddler. I hate that the people who care for me have more control over my body than I do. I don't like to focus on these things, because it is self centered. I am healthy and for now mom is well! I am going to devote an entire entry to the wonders God has done in my life and the life of my family. For now, Lord please have mercy on me, and allow me to lay aside all the yucky stuff inside me I don't like that I cannot be left in the house alone, because there is a slim possibilty that the house might catch on fire and I cannot get out on my own. Okay all better.... Thank you all for indulging me, and my temper tantrum.


Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

TJ - You are amazing. I admire all that you do and that you don't let CP dictate who you are. I am so blessed by your blog and I think others are too.

Take a deep breath - rebuke satan - and give God the glory!

love, Beth

Dee said...

I can not even imagine how many emotional things you deal with because of your disability. I love the honesty you are being real..not just trying to make others less uncomfortable by saying all is ok. Because it isn't, but you deal with the life you were given extremeley well and set a wonderful example as you give the glory to God for the things you can do.. I have fears that I will one day be in a similar situation. If I grow weaker or if I damage my good leg my life will be altered. If I lose my Frank things will change because he does so much for me. We do have a lot in common my friend and it is not an accident the Lord connected us. Hugs from Dee.. You are amazing...and I am so glad your mom is better.

Molly said...

Thank you for your transparency. You are awesome.

Jenny said...

Did you get it done. Those kind of things are always best handed off to another volunteer! What is CP?