The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Saturday, March 01, 2014

Confessions of s scared Writer Part 1


Just a couple of months ago, maybe more, I made a goal for myself to blog at least once a week. For the sake of improving my skills as a writer. I honestly did not think it would be difficult. Several months in to this project/goal it is clear that thus far it's been an epic fail. This wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact, I'm aware of the fact that unless I commit to writing I'll never get to where I desire to be. The thoughts and excuses that run through my mind like a movie scene are endless. What's the point of writing?   You're not competent enough or educated enough to make your mark as a writer. Distractions are everywhere Facebook the dog and just my own laziness played a crucial role in my lack of follow-through.  My mind flashes back to she speaks 2012, where I remember author Emily P Freeman reading a quote from Mark Batterson which states: "the question is not whether God has called you to be a published author, rather the question is has God called you to write?"  The word called has as always been sort of a strong word of my mind. I never really thought of the word "calling" unless it pertains to a person serving in full-time ministry. It isn't that I don't believe that God gives everyone a purpose, of course I do. Those purposes are no less or more significant  than the purpose of someone in full time ministry.. Can I honestly say "God has called me to write? It feels almost arrogant to make such a claim. The truth is whether it is a calling or not,  it is more  a calling than anything else I've ever felt compelled to do. The obstacle staring back at me most at the moment is what if no one relates to my writing voice. What if I have nothing worth writing?  What if I'm too transparent? What if I'm not transparent enough? These are just a few of the thoughts swirling through my brain.  I read  the first chapter of Revelation where God tells John on the island of Patmos to write down his vision  He was there preaching the word of God having been exiled   One day He was worshiping, and he encountered a prophetic vision from Christ.  I imagine the fear, doubt, and sense of urgency he might have experienced when the Lord instructed to write down the vision.    “Write down what you have seen—both the things that are now happening and the things that will happen.]This is the meaning of the mystery of the seven stars you saw in my right hand and the seven gold lampstands: The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches.”  Revelation 1:19-20 

Let me be clear I have never seen a prophetic vision nor do I expect to, but I do believe at times in life, God may offer a clear word or direction for his children.  Have you experienced this in your own life?  As I read this and other verses where God tells his children to write down his words, I was reminded how important writing can be for those God has given this task.  .Never will there be another book as important as the bible.Know this however, it does not mean God is unwilling or unable to use present day writing to minster to others.
  Writing often helps people keep a record of what God is doing in their midst.  If I wait for a moment, when my writing is perfected, I’ll never share anything I write, because what I  write will never be perfect.  Do I want to improve yes, but as with so many things in life, my writing craft and skills need God’s grace to soak through.  A friend reminded me, God does not call the qualified, but rather He qualifies the called.  Most days I feel unqualified to write, but the more I write, I’m convinced God is willing and able to equip me.  Have you ever felt unqualified?  How did you find the courage to risk and make yourself available despite your doubts?  Did your experience bring a positive outcome?  

6 comments:

Molly Page said...

I've been struggling with some similar uncertainty & insecurity lately.
I too keep promising myself that I'll be more disciplined in my writing. I too keep breaking my promise.
Thank you for your transparency & vulnerability! You're a brave and talented woman, TJ.

Dee said...

I think some struggles we have to battle over and over and learn to move forward non the less.

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi TJ,

Good job on choosing this goal! Don't worry about the falls or missed days, just start fresh each day, and say, "Today, I'm going to," and then make yourself sit down, turn on some quiet non-distracting music, and don't let yourself get us until you have written something. I had to make myself do that tonight too. Its hard,huh? Keep forging forward!

Re your comment on my post "What Every Comparing-Prone Woman Needs to Know," Oh TJ, I'm not any further down the path, my friend. We are both just stumbling broken people chasing after our patient loving God who smiles at us. How mind-blowing that he delights in us and sculpts us!

Thank you for your kind encouragement. I'm glad you are here too, TJ.

Sisters in Jesus together,
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com

Amanda Schrieber said...

TJ-
I stumbled upon your blog through COMPEL. Stay encouraged and keep writing from your heart. I've kept a blog for 8 years and it has evolved along with me! But, I loved what you mentioned above:

"Writing often helps people keep a record of what God is doing in their midst."

This is so true! While every post won't be perfect, we are keeping a record of God's faithfulness and the work He is doing in and around us.

Feel free to come visit and "like" me too! I just set up a fb page for my blog, and it provides a link to get there.

https://www.facebook.com/imstillclay

All for His glory!
Amanda

Jennifer Dougan said...

TJ,

Re your comment on my post "What A Warrior in a Wine Cave Would Tell You," I like your line there: "Trust is God's ongoing desire for us" -- that's good. :)

Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com

angela said...

TJ:
Just discovered your blog from the Compel website. I could really identify with much of what you mentioned...thank you for being obedient to write this. Keep up the good work!!
I've just put my toe in the pool of blogging...I'd love for you to visit sometime: www.angelalight.com (total newbie site). I look forward to reading more of your writings!