The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Is Surrender Possible?

Can I surrender all?  After all the last time I asked God to help me love Him more than anything or anyone in my life. It wasn’t long after that that when the word cancer invaded our lives.  I continued to pray the same even as time passed and year after year mom's cancer remained and sometimes grew larger. I watched as she placed a smile on her face as life forced her to take early retirement.  I watched as she prayed for others, and rejoiced when they were healed.  I watched her laugh when others would have cried.  The day I knew my life would never be the same was the day I got the call  cancer was found in her brain.  I felt as if the air almost left my lungs barely able to nod.  I watched as her once strong body that took care of me, was feeble and lifeless unable to raise her head.   Helpless I prayed asking God to spare her from such agony. I begged God to let me  take her place knowing I could never fight as hard as she did.  I often thought the world needed her more than it would ever need me. As she felt pain that without pain medicine would not stop.  I watched as my family’s hearts were broken into pieces, and I powerless to do anything.   Yet there was and will always be the glorious hope to come, and that quiet peace only God could give..  He gives it still.  Oh the joy and fun of the legacy she gives us now in all her humanness. 
Of course our church is talking a lot about surrender as we study the Holy Spirit.  What words come to mind when asked if I have been in a place surrender where God proved faithful?  Yes, God is faithful when we surrender our lives.  Yes it scares me what continual surrender may mean in my life.  Does it mean more discomfort?  The truth is a lady in my church and countless others who has endured more pain than I ever will.  God has never required me to go to AFRICA to feed the poor or say goodbye to child I gave birth to.  The list is endless.  Admittedly, I could not find the strength to sing the words I surrender all the first two times, last week at church because I was scared.  God has provided everything I need!  He has given grace beyond what I could deserve and yet there is that fear that God will command me to do something radical, and what if I “surrender” in advance whatever that might mean, and then I can’t find the courage to follow through?  It has been hard for me to sing that song, but harder now.  I never want to commit to sing words I can’t live out, but then it hit me I can’t surrender in my own power.  Surrender is only possible through the supernatural enabling of God.  I cannot know what God may or may not ask of me either now or in future, but I must trust that God knows my heart, and I desire to be faithful.  He will enable me to choose to a surrendered life.  The God of the universe can handle my failures.  He has already redeemed these anyway.  So what do I have to lose?

The process of sanctification isn’t my job.  It is God’s process not mine.  It is by Faith like in Hebrews, that we chose surrender not just once but continually.
Surrender does not mean we will be exempt from persecutions or trials.  Jeremiah proclaimed truth and was faithful despite not having a happily ever after, or seeing results. Jer. 35… America is a results driven society.  I am learning faithfulness driven by anything other than for faithfulness sake, is not surrender. Will I be faithful if it guarantees me little upon this earth, but coasts much more?  It has been and will continued to be my prayer for God to enable me to surrender. 
                Here are some reasons to surrender.  One, Jesus is worthy of surrender.

  Two, He himself has surrendered to God and for the sake of his children, and it cost him everything. Romans 8:32. A life surrendered always brings peace, God is good, and his ways are perfect. it is by faith, I take the first to surrender which is an expression of willingness.  I continue in a place of not knowing what the journey of what surrender will look like.  Where do you my friend find yourself on this journey surrender?  Each journey will look different.  I’m sure not the poster person for surrendered living. The more I look to the Savior the more I know it is the life I am called to live.  Would love to hear from you.  It might be that grudge you’ve been holding for twenty years.  It could be that substance you find comfort in, or that to do list you always check off.  

1 comment:

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi TJ,

I'm so sorry about your mom's battle with cancer. My dad had a scary cancer surgery last September ( a year ago) and my sister and dad have had several skin cancer surgeries since. Those roads bring us face to face with eternity and deep life questions, huh?

I'm sorry for what you have grieved and walked through. I find your wrestling through the issue of surrender powerful though. Yes. Thank you for letting us look in with you. I agree that his heart can be trusted and that he is a good God, despite it all.

Re your comment on my post "Between the Doorbell and the Cheetah Print," TJ, How fun to hear from you!! Thank you.

How are you? What have you been up to lately? Any recent conferences?

Jennifer Dougan