The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Friday, September 16, 2016

Finding your Sunset After Loss

   God never intended for anything we learn about life to be just for us.  It is intended to help others in their journey.  I have avoided writing and blogging regularly, because my attention has been needed elsewhere.  Now that Franklin ha been placed in his new home, I know he is safe and well cared for far better than I ever could.  It has freed me from worrying about him.  I am rediscovering creativity, and able to do more things   I also have avoided writing, because the lessons I am learning are still not bunny rabbits and rainbows.  Even a year and 4 months after mom's cancer battle ended though it is easier now, it is still hard, not so much, because I want her back, but because she brought such joy to everything, and she was so good at keeping everything smooth.  I still miss her  laugh and smile.    I love to talk about her and do things she loved  to do.  I laugh at the things she uses to do that drove me crazy.  As most of you have figured out I love sunsets!  To me, life contains beautiful sunset moments so beautiful if you are not paying attention you will miss these.  It could be something as simple as a card in the mail that lifted your spirits.  It might be the sound of your grandchildren playing in the yard or lunch with a friend  Many of my friends' faced losses in recent days.  Some the loss of a friend, others loss of a parent, pet, or job.  No two losses or relationships are the same  I am no expert on loss, but I am learning a few helpful tips for embracing Sunsets after a loss.  This post is for those of you in difficult situations.  You might be struggling with the question why am I in this situation...
 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change James 1:17."Click for reference  You may not be able to see or embrace the gift that comes as a result of loss quickly, but if you search long enough, you will  begin to see that in the loss there are sunsets moments and your losses will mature and change you.    I have and will continue to make mistakes, as well as just blatant bad  choices.  Most of these tips I have learned as a result of my own shortcomings.

  • Be forgiving of yourself and others.  You will make mistakes and your actions will sometimes be disappointing to you and to those that care about you.  Give grace.  I am still learning  to do this, and will for the rest of my life.
  • Allow yourself to feel confusing feelings, and resist the urge to scold yourself.
  •   Self Care.  If you are like me, you may be tempted to think self-care is unbiblical.  Yeah me too I understand.  I think about Daniel in the Bible, though, and he took the time to make sure his body, mind, and spirit were taken care of.  Yes, he trusted God to care for his needs, but he also was wise and mature enough to take responsibility to invest in his own well-being.
  • Lower your expectations of yourself and  others.  Don't look for others to be able to understand or validate your feelings.  This is totally unfair to expect.  Look to God , who knows You and your situation fully.   
  • Ask for prayer from people you trust.  
  • It is ok to escape for short periods, but be wise and escape only in the short term Be careful how and when you escape.
  • Be specific about needs and expectations.  I do  not  do well at this.  mostly because I never want to be demanding or entitled    If I  drop something in public, then I need to ask someone to pick up, instead of attempting to miss rolling over it.  Mom laughed once, because I broke a pair of shoes, by running these over, because I didn't want to stop whatever she was doing to ask her to move my shoes out of the floor.  Sometimes God places us in situations because we need a reminder we are not in control, and we need to run both to God and others. 
  • Be thankful for blessings big and small
  • Find your passion...  This is an ongoing process...  Find joy in small things.  I recently discovered I enjoy coloring.
  • Look for ways to support and comfort others facing a loss of any kind.  "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Cor. 1:3-4  Text found here  What have you found helpful in finding joy after loss?  How can you use your own losses to help others in theirs?  Are you finding your own sunsets after a loss?  I am discovering it is not just a monthly process or even a yearly one.  It is a journey that lasts a lifetime.    Moment by moment you will find your sunse6 again after your losses.  My dad use to say all of life is about loss, and in a sense he is right, but in loss there is a deeper gratitude for joy and finding your Sunsets again.

1 comment:

Jasmine's Mom said...

Your are such an inspiration to me miss TJ. I'm so blessed God crossed our paths and brought you into my life and heart. I love you sis!