The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

in Loss there is still Beauty!

I have not posted in a few weeks, and this isn't a post that will appear on my Facebook or twitter page.  This  is  not post many will applaud or click about.    On June 21st my dad passed away.  I know I didn't talk about him or write about him.  My parents divorced years ago, and I had not seen my dad in 5 years.  Though I called to check on him every so often.  His death for me was sudden and yet in so many ways was something I knew would come years before it every happened.  As you know in the last 5 years my focus has been on my mom's cancer battle and I will never regret that.  I was the last one to speak with him from here as far as I know.  My dad often would tell me that all of life,was about loss, to which I would say, but in loss you gain.  My dad was not a bad man, he was a man who loved in his own way, and on his own terms.  He was  a dreamer.  He loved me. For all the things I don't understand about his life, I know that.  When Jesus died on the cross his followers thought there hope was gone vanished without a trace, but it wasn't gone it was still ahead.  Jesus would rise from the dead, and fulfill the hope he promised. What does all this have to do with my dad?  Well, when I was young I lost my mom's car keys, and we never found those again.  Losses are strange, things you think you might not mourn, suddenly catch one off guard. So tonight I acknowledge the value of my dad's life, and who  he was.  I am thankful for for what he was able to offer me.  You see God shows me that he gives us permission to explore the losses we don't understand. And in every loss no matter the kind, there is something beautiful to be discovered, and hope to  be gained.  There is purpose and joy even I'm loss.  Tonight. I'm thankful, not because my dad lived a perfect life, but because he lived life period, and because his life is part of me, and that matters,  Have you ever found joy despite pain that caught you by surprise?  In my own way. I loved him too, and I'm thankful for the chance to have loved him as he was, for that yes was a gift I refuse to let be taken from  me.


Dee said...

My condolences TJ for your loss. There are so many levels of love but the root is still love. Thinking of you.

NITA said...

Thank you for sharing this with us. May God Be with You In Your Time of Sorrow.

Washer Mom Val said...

Oh TJ. Hugs and prayers to you. Losing a Dad is tough on any level. My sympathies reach out to you.
Ecclesiastes 3:4
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

Beth said...

I am so very sorry for your loss!

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi TJ,

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. Thank you for letting us peek into you processing your emotions and thoughts. It is a wise thing to celebrate one's life, not for the fact of them being perfect or not- but for the gift of life itself.

Jennifer Dougan

Vicki said...

TJ, I am so sorry. I just read this post and only wish I had read earlier. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. Love you!

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi again, TJ,

Wondering how you are doing as you grieve today...

Wanted to stop by to say hi.

Have a wonderful week,
Jennifer Dougan