The Blogger Herself

The Blogger Herself

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The More the Merrier! From 4 to 6!

Our Butterball Turkey

Mom set the Table

Brady has discovered the art of funny Faces!

Can't believe he stood still to take a real picture



I think that is the stay in your seat and behave look.

What you doin?


Funny face again!

My name is Jack, and I love trains!

In this picture, you would not know it, but Cousin Bill works hard!

We love Mumize's cooking!

Brady is going break hearts some day!  Sorry Photo is turned wrong
Normally there are just 4 of us for Thanksgiving, as all the extended family goes to WV, but this year cousin Bill & his wife Mandy, and their two boys spent Thanksgiving with us!  It was all the richer with them here!  Thanks guys we love you!  Also, see my previous post for 100 reasons I'm thankful!  There are more pics, but I could not post them all!  Happy Thanksgiving Bloggy Friends!  Sorry some how this blog became non-public for 24 hours.  Don't know how that happened!

Monday, November 22, 2010

First 100 Reasons I'm Thankful!

Can you come up with 100 things you are thankful for? This is what I'm going to attempt beginning now.

  1. Jesus rescued me from Sin Self, and Hopelessness
  2. Answered Prayers
  3. My Heavenly Father
  4. A new start
  5. Forgiveness
  6. House
  7. The Bible
  8. Spiritual Gifts
  9. My Mom
  10. My Brother
  11. Mumzie
  12. Jocelyn 
  13. Brady 
  14. Jack 
  15. Margaret 
  16. Ron
  17. Kim
  18. Brad
  19. Bill
  20. Mandy
  21. Dad
  22. Macy
  23. Food and Clean Water
  24. Living in America
  25. Bed
  26. Sunshine
  27. Friends
  28. Health
  29. Mom's Health
  30. Progress
  31. Church Family
  32. Pastoral Staff
  33.    Salvation of most of my family
  34. My chair.
  35. Health care
  36. Freedom to vote
  37. Van with Lift
  38. Needs are met
  39. Use of my hand
  40. Speech
  41. Hearing
  42. Basic Sight
  43. Ability to read/learn
  44. The Beach
  45. The Stars
  46. The rain.
  47. Kindness
  48. Mercy
  49.  Government
  50. Technology
  51. Soldiers
  52. Purpose
  53. Laughter
  54. Leisure
  55.  Promise of Heaven
  56. Music
  57. Clothes
  58. Modern Medicine
  59.  Babies born
  60. Memories
  61. Birthdays
  62. Christmas
  63. Easter
  64. Thanksgiving
  65. Good Doctors
  66. Hope of reconciliation
  67. Butterflies
  68. Being a girl!
  69. Acts of kindness done for me in 2010
  70. Caregivers
  71. Volunteer Work
  72. New Friends
  73. Smiles
  74. Luxuries
  75. Electric Blanket
  76. New Shower
  77. New Shower Chair
  78. The past is Gone!
  79. Meaning
  80. Hair Dyer
  81. Books
  82. Photographs
  83.   Freedom from Physical pain
  84. Freewill
  85. Humor
  86. Men
  87. Chocolate cake
  88. Hugs
  89. Happy tears
  90. excitement 
  91. Roses
  92. Movies
  93. Mentors
  94. Michael W. Smith
  95. AC AND Heat in house and car
  96. Surprises
  97. Constant things
  98. Elderly Wisdom
  99. Another Day
  100. Family tradition  

Friday, November 19, 2010

Half Full Friday/11/19/10 and Happy Dance!

Hi Bloggers Friends:

         I am overflowing with thankfulness for my returned good health, and want to say thank you for your prayers.  My surgery was a success the recovery was longer and rougher than predicted, but thrilled to put it behind me.    I have been in awe of the outpouring of love I have received.    After not being out of the house for more than a week, it has been nice to get back in the swing of things.  Half Full Friday now has a new sponsor!  You can find her here! Hope you will check it out and make your own list.I will hopefully be back with a part 2 on Spiritual Boredom Part II.  Hopefully a more positive, but equally transparent post will follow part I.

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  • I am joyful to be feeling better than I've felt in literally a month and 1/2.
  • I am joyful because of all my get well cards and gifts.
  • I am joyful that I got the whole season 10 of BH 90210.
  • I am joyful because Thanksgiving is next week! 
  • I am joyful for the response to my previous blog post.
  • I am joyful that God is present even when I may, not sense his presence.
  • I'm joyful to do no longer be in a medicine induced fog.
  • I am joyful that I read a new book in three hours even though I'm a slow reader

Monday, November 08, 2010

Spiritual Boredom? Part I

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Can I make a confession?  Of course I can who's going to stop me?  I was not one of those kids that was bored ever.  I always found ways to entertain myself or keep myself busy.  Until recently I never had to talk myself into reading my bible or praying, because as a teenager, I was so lonely that it was my loneliness that drove me to God.  Lately however I find that I'm in a spiritual state of boredom.   The problem of course is me for we know the Christian life is anything but boring, and even more we know we serve an amazing Holy God!  He can never be fully described, and his greatness t be fathomed.    So have you ever faced spiritual boredom?  How did you cure it?  
Restore the joy of Your salvation to me,
    and give me a willing spirit
Ps. 51:12 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first."
Rev. 2:4
Part 2 later..

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

I WILL NEVER & KIDNEY WHAT??

Has it really been over a week since I blogged?  Well here is the deal, next week they will put me to sleep to get rid of a kidney stone that has been causing me problems for awhile.  I had to go to the ER last wed, because of pain.  I'm no stranger to surgery, I have had my share, but I barely know this doctor, and he advised me that even though it is day surgery, it is kinda a "big deal"  So since I'm use to 5 to 7 hours surgeries, an hour and a half seems like a piece of cake.  But I've never had anything done that related to my kidney, before so I'm kind of chicken.  R ember a few weeks ago when I had that stomach bug, yeah I'm kinda thinking this could be related.
   In other news, last Sunday night I was feeling lonely as I often do on Sunday nights.  I could give a list of reasons why, but I won't....  The point is I was feeling forgotten and lonely, and there was this ache longing, I just  could not shake.  I could barely pray, but had such intense feelings I can't seem to put into words. but The Holy Spirit reminded me  that God would NEVER LEAVE ME!  The sweetest peace came over me,  I don't know about you, but I need someone who will follow through on their promise to never leave me.  When God says He will Never Leave He is serious.  I'll be honest, this week I'm deserving of being abandoned...  I have not sought God as I know I'm called to...  But He is still God, and He is still with me!  I'"ll try to post a part 2 with scripture soon, but isn't it cool to know God will not abandon us, even when as the song says we are prone to wander

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

In Your Eyes

  


“In Your Eyes”
By T.J. Ellis
October 2010 ©



In Your Eyes, I am forgiven.
In Your Eyes, I am complete.
In Your Eyes, I have already won!
In Your Eyes, I am loved.
In Your Eyes I’m accepted.
In Your Eyes the lies are gone.
In Your Eyes I am wearing a robe of white.
In Your Eyes, I am covered by The Blood so pure!
In Your Eyes, there is nothing I cannot endure
In your Eyes, my identity is secure!
In your Eyes I can see!
There is hope!
There is protection from danger.
In your Eyes I’m not a prisoner to anger!
 I am not a failure
How sweet it is for a moment, to see through your Eyes!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

A Day of Memories in Downtown Chattanooga!.

Mom and me.  We had a great time.  You would never know in this my stomach had been hurting the whole day.  Sometimes you gotta push through the pain and not let anything stop you from enjoying life.
Later that evening mom and I met some friends on the Southern Belle Dinner Cruise(Chattanooga's Riverboat.More Here This was a place we stopped to site see before we got on the actual Riverboat.  I won the cruise..
I've said before I love Butterflies!
Downtown Chattanooga  It was a beautiful day for an outing since we live within the city limits we hardly ever go downtown.
Inside Willa Collections.  I love their clothes but they aren't meant for non skinny types.  But, if you are ever in the area, it's a nice place!Willa Collection
My mom painted and decorated this chair for the "Chair Affair" to benefit On Point the chair can be viewed @ Willa Collection located in Downtown Chattanooga.More Chair Affair Info
   
                                        

So here are some highlights of the best day of Fall Break...  I may not have gotten a trip to the beach, but this was pretty great too!  So I was too busy yesterday for Half Full Friday this week.  Sometimes writers must remember that we must never become so busy writing about our life that we fail to live it, or we will find we will have nothing to write about.            
God reminded me this morning He desires for me to acknowledge Him, in the every day details, not just in the moments we categorize as spiritual.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3 

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Let them Be Them and You Be You!

So I learned something today that has brought me strange freedom!  My mom took a spiritual gifts test today, and found that one of the things that comes natural to her is exercising faith.  For years my mom has said things like have faith God will take care of it.  To which I would roll my eyes and huff and puff always at a loss as to how  faith always seems to be her response.  I on the other hand, have a tendency toward mercy.  While she is more a suck it up kinda gal.  Most of the things we fight about come down to the different ways in which God has designed us.  Don't get me wrong as Christians we are all called to walk by faith and not by sight, but for some faith is like breathing, and for those like me, choosing faith is constantly at war with doubt and mistrust.  Instead of embracing the gift God has entrusted her with, I have often mocked it, and been at times envious of it.  Likewise I think my strong tendency toward mercy leaves her wondering, did this child really come out of me? I also become angry with myself for not being more like her. The truth is the church today has much the same issue, we want others to look, act, and behave like us, but the ironic thing is we were never created to be carbon copies of one another.  The truth is I love my mom and she loves me.  She is not me, and I am not her.  We are two different people created by the same Holy God!  So while we are similar, we are not the exact same, nor were we meant to be.    So see how this hits you.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Eph. 4:2-3.Find it Here  That I am learning can only happen when we submit to God, and ask him to do the impossible in and through us.  So I guess the prayer is Lord help me bear with others, and Lord enable others to bear with me.  God knew this would be hard concept for us finite humans, but He addresses it clearly.  I have a feeling this may be a post, that I myself will revisit often.   What do you think?  I mean I guess I knew this in my head, but never really got it, you know?
Reaching for the Higher,

Friday, October 15, 2010

Half Full Friday and More!

It is for half full Friday!created by Eyegirl

  • I  am joyful that I've not had any tummy troubles the last 2 days.
    • I am joyful that I get a staycation next week, while my mom is on fall break. No volunteering next week.  Don't get me wrong I love volunteering, but I feel I need a break.
  • I am joyful for candy bar waiting for me. 
  • I am joyful that all my basic needs are met, when there are those wondering where their next meal will come from as they sell candy bars on the street to feed their family, because they lost their house and job, like the man I saw yesterday.
  • I am joyful that one of my client's seemed more at ease yesterday.  
  • I am joyful for the warmth of Macy's head against my lap.  
  • I'm joyful both newsletters have been turned in!  
  • I'm joyful for grace from from God and others. 
  • I'm joyful, because of God's healing.  
Note to Self: Don't blog when hungry or didn't eat lunch...
Oh let's see I wish I had something profound to put here, but I don't think  I do today..  I'll try tomorrow!

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Share

Share 

     Here is a devotional I found that I wanted to share with you all!

Friday, October 08, 2010

I lived! Half Full Friday

So after I wrote that post last Sunday afternoon and hour later I was SICK.  Not just a little either.  I'll spare you the details of yuckiness, but will tell you I was violently sick for a total of 11 hours.  I recovered three days later.  While this dog maybe cute sick, I on the other was not.  
So instead of doing a list for Half Full Friday. Half Full Friday  I will just say that I'm joy-filled to be well, as in no body aches and tummy troubles and able to eat "meals again
Oh and notice my new blog tab, I have also removed the blog music for a season.
Thanks for your feedback on the new layout and recent posts!
to find the image

Sunday, October 03, 2010

A Lamb I am!

For more on the pictureGo here
I just feel compelled to blog today...  Isn't this a cute lamb?  Why would I post a picture of a lamb on my blog?  Well to understand why let me encourage you at some point in the near future to find a Bible and read Isaiah Chapter 40 and take a close look at verse 11."He tends the flock like a shepherd:He gathers the lambs in his arms close to his heart.; he gently leads those who have young.." in this analogy God is the Shepherd.  I wish the concept of a shepherd was not so foreign to me or this culture, but it is.  The whole chapter tells us a lot about the nature of God, like that He alone is God, and BTW DON'T OVER LOOK THAT God ALONE IS GOD!  Then wham there it is!  In other places in scripture, and even now we know that Christ who Is God, is our sacrificial HOLY Lamb, and yet here the people of Israel are the lamb, and God is the shepherd, now I'm no history person, and not all that  educated, but if I understand the passage correctly, then this passage speaks of God's love and care for his chosen people.  God is the only one who can be both, a Shepherd, and a Lamb at the exact SAME time.  God the father, and Christ the Lamb!
   Now, to be honest, it was very hard for me to take this promise as my own until I also read, Eph. 3:6 " That the Gentiles(meaning current day believers as well) emphasis mine( should be fellow-heirs, and of the same body,and partakers in his promise in Christ by the gospel:"  What that  means to me is that     God is My Shepherd and He gathers me in His arms!  He carries me close to his heart!  Here we see the Creator of the Universe expressing physical affection toward his own!  I too can have claim to the same promises as Israel!  I don't know about you but I am starving for evidence that God who is the strong and Mighty offers us a picture of physical affection from Himself!   Do you need the Shepherd to hold you close, maybe like me it seems irreverent to you, to think of God as tender, but I am not to argue with the King of Kings about who He is!

Friday, October 01, 2010

Let's Party Friday and More!


My cousin Kim made the beautiful cake it took her 12 hours!


                                                            Mumzie's Nephew Mike
Cousin Emily with Jocelyn & Brady.  Our pastor and music minster are in the background.
  Mumzie was so surpised she had no clue about her party

Add caption
Mumzie's Great Grandson Brady and his mom Mandy she works @ HairBenders

I was happy we spent all day planning
                                   
Singing Happy Birthday!

                                             Aunt Margaret(My mom sister and "the cake lady)

Cousins Jocelyn & Jack
 Wow a lot can happen in one week!  I'll begin with pics from last Saturday of Mumzie's 80th birthday and then go from there.  Honestly blogging is the last thing I need to be doing, as I have so many other deadlines, but sometimes a girl's gotta blog!

Now on to both Come Alive & half full Friday!  find out more Go Here
  • I am joyful that my mom is feeling better, since she got very sick this week from a kidney infection and had to go to the ER.
  • I am joyful that my email isn't spamming folks anymore.
  • I am both joyful and thankful Jenn was able to stay with and take me care of while mom was at the hospital.
  • I am joyful that both my brother and dad called this week
  • I am Joyful that the Good Wife's new season began Tuesday. 
  • I am joyful because of the progress I've made through God's grace, and that I'm not who I was. 
  • I am joyful that I got the new Wonder album! (see post under Smitty Fan)
Come Alive Friday: Things that made me come alive this week. Sponsored By: 
  1. Talking to Amy on the phone. See Favorite things tab.
  2. A slow day @ Choices
  3. The song Take My Breath Away.
  4. Serving others)
  5. The sunshine and Chicfila twice this week! 
       I've not shared spiritual reflections in awhile,  I hope to next post.  I enjoy your blogs too!

Friday, September 24, 2010

I Wonder!!

JesusfreakHideout.com Listening Party!

Property OF http://www.michaelwsmith.com/ 
 Michael W Smith Album Wonder comes out Tuesday! You can listen to the whole album @ the link above. If you only listen to 1 or 2 songs, these are my top tracks. 1 Save me from myself Track 3 Run to you, Take me Over,Track 12. Track 2 Take me breath away! Wonder in stores September 28!  To those of you who are not Smitty Fan's just know this will be painful, but you will survive!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Anybody Home?? and Crazy Love By Francis Chan

Hello have I run you off? lol  I'm in a bit of a writer's slump, but I do want continue writing on here, so please stick with me!  I want to also encourage you to visit a great new blog started by my best friend!  She is an amazing woman in so many ways, please stop by and give her some love! Jenn's blog  I am reading a book right called Crazy Love  By Francis Chan.  The funny think is when I heard about it, I had no desire whatever to read it. and wow does it have me thinking even though I've only read the first three chapters so far. You can find out more Here  If you have read it what are your thoughts on the first 3 chapters or the book as a whole?  Has the book challenged you confused you or helped you?  Can I be honest, though I've only read three chapter of this book, I already believe my views about who God is are changing in a positive way.   If anything, it has caused me excitement and wonder, and allowed me to see how small I am, and how big God's love is for me!  Yes I know in my head God loves me, and all of us, but when was the last time you were truly blown away by God's love for YOU?  That's it for now...  I enjoy your comments, and do read your blogs as much as possible.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Some weeks are better than others

Hi Friends:

   I don't like to post when I'm not feeling well or when it has been a tough week, which is why I have not been quick to post.  It has not all been bad, and isn't anything earth shattering bad either, but my body is tired,  I have a chronic problem that has a long namr which I can't spell.  It is a type of baterical acne that is very painful in places I will not mention.  I've had it for years it is hormone related..  I take antibotics about every theree weeks, and have had minor surgery to remove infected tissue. 
On top of that I worked very late @ Choices, one day last week, and one of the other volunteers feelings wer hurt  by something connected to my aid, though I'm still not sure what the source of the hurt was, and while I usually have little trouble valadating someone's feelings, in this case, the fleshly side of me wanted to say life is too short to get your nose out of joint over junk.  I use to be one of the most senstive people alive, so to a degree I understand, but part of me just wanted to say please grow up.  I realized quicky this was prideful of me, and am asking God to help with my unrealistic expectations of other people.Thank God for medicine!  The happy highlights of my week were that I got to speak at Choices Shower last night, and I realize how I love speaking about Sanctity of Human Life.  I also had the most tasty grilled cheese burger  I've had in ages. I also found the coolest verse that I'll write about more later.Jer. 17:5-8Find it here!  I'm enjoying your comments please keep them coming!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

invisible Illness Week Don't miss this post please

Hi Blogger:

   You will see a sticky note on the far side of my blog that will let you know that tomorrow begins invisible illness week.  Over the last few years,  God has placed many people/friends i n my life who are dealing with Chronic illnesses or chronic pain.  Let me be clear here, I don't have an invisible illness.  I would even go so far as to say that I don't consider myself as having a visible illness either.  Maybe this is because of the conflicting messages I've gotten from society over the years.  So you may ask, why am I supporting this effort?  The answer is simple her name is Sandra Rose, no she probably does not even know there is such a thing as invisible illness week, I also have other friends like Brittany and Julie who also live daily with Chronic Illness.  These are three of the most Godly women I know.  So what is an invisible illness, Invisible doesn't mean non-existing, in fact, anyone living with pain day and night knows all too well just how real invisible illness is.  My friend Sandra has to use a Tens unit regularly just in attempt to get some relief, and be able to function from constant nerve pain, and yet outwardly some days you likely would not "see" it, but if you listen, you'll hear it.  You'll hear it as she gasps for breath, because the pain is so strong her lips cannot form words.  You will hear at times, in the physical weariness of her voice.  She has tried ever treament under the sun for 9 years.  While you may not see it in the form of crutches, you will see it in the form of a tear now and then, but you know what you will see even more clearly even in her pain, you will see her strength, her faith, and her compassion.  A chronic illness invisible or other wise is any contdition that has impact on your life, and in most cases, will either remain the same or worsen.  Maybe diabetes or cancer, in the case of cancer it often falls under terminal which most chronic It maybe depression, it is any condtion where the signs may not be phyiscally seen illnesses are Chron's Fibromagilya etc.and thounsands of others.  I do have one of the illness I mentioned, now that I think of it, but lets put that aside for now.  Lisa Copen is the founder of http://www.restminstries.com/ and http://www.invisibleillness.com/ It is a christian ministry that supports people worldwide with Chronic condtions and chronic illnesses please go to both sites to find out more or get support for you or a family member or friend.  Now don't hear me saying I'm not involved in this ministry, because I am/  I'm going to fill out the survey, because whether CP is an illness condition, or other and visible or invisible, I have dealt with chronic pain in years past and I can relate in both seen and unseen ways.  What connects people is not what category they fall into, but the fact that others can share in their life journey, and as Christians there is always common ground and unity in Christ!  Because I myself in my case, am uncomfortable with the word illness. I will use condition.
The condition I live with the is  Cerebral Palsy(CP Urinary issues, depression, anxiety/
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Soon after I was born.  I will only address CP here, not the others/

3. But I had symptoms since: 1983
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: adulthood with CP/
5. Most people assume: I like the attention, but I'd trade it in a minute

6. The hardest part about mornings are: bathing

7. My favorite medical TV show is: None

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my My Bed, lift, Van and Chair

9. The hardest part about nights are: Not being able to work late at night, even those it is my best time for creative writing.

10. Regularly I take 3__ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please):

11. Regarding alternative treatments I am very conflicted about cures.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Physical over emotional but visible and invisible I believe would be just as hard

13. Regarding working and career: Again my situation conflicts me @ times.

14. People would be surprised to know: My emotional struggles far outweigh my physical ones
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: letting go of denial

16. Something I never thought I could do with my condition that I did was: serve pregnant women

17. The commercials about my condition make me uneasy

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I've always CP, but I miss having my own family

19. It was really hard to have to give up: the idea of what I thought my life would be.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: blogging

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal  I would: walk the beach, and play with the dog
22. My condition  has taught me: God can use anyone, and that everyone wants to be loved

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: that I'm not special I'm just like everyone else.

24. But I love it when people: say “God has a plan for you.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “ God will fulfill his plans for me!

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell their family there is hope in all situations with Christ!

27. Something that has surprised me about living with this is: adulthood is way harder than childhood was

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Listened to me
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want to open people's eyes, and comfort hurting people.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: proud and hopeful/ Thank you for your support!
    Now

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

What Are You Thinking?

Hello Readers: 
       I want to pose a two fold question to you, and I would like your feedback...  I'm looking for your personal response, but feel free to use personal events or scripture as well.
1. What do you think is the main source of human suffering in the world?
2. Does God fit into your thoughts on suffering?  If so how and in what way? In other words, Does God have a purpose in such suffering?  I have  expressed a few my thoughts on this subject some already, but I want to have an interactive blog disscussion with you, the readers.  Don't for a moment think that by the end of this discussion we will have the answer to the age old question, of why do people suffer?.  I promise we won't come close to discecting it, in fact we may raise more questions than answers!  However I believe that if we discuss, and ask questions through the Lens of Faith, we are strong enough to stand, even when we don't get all questions answered.  Our minds could not grasp the answers anyway. n So readers the "floor" is yours!  Tell me what you think?  I'll post more of my ideas another time.   Your input will help in my future post about suffering.  No judgement just an opoion poll.  I'm excited to see what You are thinking!

Saturday, September 04, 2010

More of My Story... In pieces-

Someone on a chronic illness website is helping me write my story, for a Writer’s Therapy Group, and I wanted to share it with people I know first. He will edit, he is an author and has a BA in Journalism Thanks! He asked the questions I only wrote this as responses!














Sorry for any overlap from Part 1...  I had not planned on posting this, but it seemed fitting to make this part of the series.  You can find Part 1 Here



Background: I was born 2 months premature. And as far as we know this is what resulted in the lack of oxygen to my brain, which is the main cause of my Cerebral Palsy, I was also born breech. The left side of my body is weaker than the right. My left arm and draws up, and it takes much concentration to move it as it has mind of its own and moves some what uncountable hand. I use my right hand for everything, from holding the phone, to typing to driving my chair.

I have had 5 CP related surgeries. I missed both my 5th and 9th grade years due to 2 different hip surgeries to rebuild the hip socket in each hip, because it was bone against, I spent months in constant pain both times. After both surgeries, I spent 3 to 4 months in a full body cast with a long bar between my legs. The cast time was not so bad, because I could stay in one position, and not have to move, because before the surgery any movement of the lower half of my body would case me pain. The surgeries took away my hip, pain but the doctor said I would lose mobility and I did I hated physical Therapy. My bones became brittle and I had a few fractures. The first hip surgery I was bitter during my recovery period, but the second hip surgery, I was four years older a freshman in high school and prayed a lot, and drew closer to God during that time, and began to learn from 2 Cor 12:9 that God’s grace was sufficient for me!

I was mainstreamed into regular education classes except for Math, as I was always slower with numbers, but my reading comprehension and verbal skills are high. I am an outgoing person so I was mot really shy about interacting with students, but I never allowed relationships socially to interfere with my studies. I always had an aid with me because, I cannot scribe or write, because while I know what each letter looks like, because of CP, I did not have the motor skills to shape the letters with a pen, in other words there is a disconnect, between my brain and my muscles.

Here is a list of things I am unable to do: Cerebral affects each person in different ways, just because it affects one person one way, it does not mean it will have the same impact on another. Sometimes people with CP can be impacted cognitively, but I was, not though I often wondered if my struggles with math and my lack of directional sense are somehow connected to having Cerebral Palsy People are often quick to assume that people with CP are mentally challenged, and to be frank, when people have had that reaction many times, it started causing me to wonder if there was something wrong with me, so I made it my life mission to prove to myself and others that I’m mentally okay. I have to have someone, bathe, dress, and clean up after me every day. The issues I deal with are guilt, that others are left with the responsibility of taking care of my personal needs, and always trying to overcompensate in intellect and effort for the things I’m unable to do physically until a few years ago, my goal was “to be just like everyone else, and never allow myself be defined by CP and rarely took my limitations into account. The only time CP makes me sad is when it keeps me from enjoying deeper relationships. I have always wanted to take a walk on the beach, and I wondered if my sibling and I could better relate to one another if I had not had CP. I felt bad that he had to grow up with a sister who takes time away from him that is rightfully his. I feel bad that my mom has one adult child who in a physical sense will always be dependent on someone.

I tend to compare myself to others both without CP and with CP. On a good day, I focus on the good things in my life like, my volunteer work, and how I have been blessed I am to have an impact on others through God’s grace. I try also to focus on those things that are eternal, rather than that which is temporal. I choose to focus on the fact that I am loved by family and friends, and that I serve God who is molding me with each passing moment to become like Christ! CP has taught me better how to love people who are hurting. It has also taught me that life is bigger than me, and life isn’t about my comfort or my wellbeing. It has taught to be patient, and always attempt to see the best in others.

On a not so good day, it can be tempting to think my life isn’t all that spectacular, when compared to my peers, I mean I don’t have a paying job, I live at home, I’m not married and have no children. The truth is outside of being an author and speaker, I really don’t have a desire to be employed, and though I am sure I would gain a greater sense of dignity, if I could support myself finically, I would choose purpose and fulfillment any day over money as long as my basic needs are met When I compare myself to others with CP, sometimes why there are some things they’ve accomplished which I haven’t rarely remembering that the types of limits each of us have are different It is hard for me to imagine a male being attracted to me or wanting to share his life with me, when he could have an able- bodied wife falling at his feet. I am not even sure that logistically or emotionally I could be a wife or mom in the truest sense of the word.

For the most part good days far outweigh the bad, as long as I rely on and seek Christ, as He gives me purpose and fulfillment. My greatest sense of fulfillment seems to come from inspiring and ministering to others through written or spoken word.

What would it take to realize I am special? It would take people telling me over and over that it is okay to be different. That CP isn’t my fault, that God made me this way for a higher purpose, until I could believe it!
 Note I will be reconsidering those last 2 sentences as the Lord is doing some serious work in my heart.  It is panful, which is why I haven't posted sooner, but I'm glad some people care enough to confront me when I'm not thiinking like Christ!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Half Full Friday August 27th 2010

http://www.lifeaseyeseeit.blogspot.com/
       Began Half Full Friday @ her site.  She will resume in September.
Here are my joy filled thoughts for this week.
  • I am joy filled that God is in control, when I have no idea what to do, or how to fix situations beyond my scope.
  • I am joy filled that I found the show "If You Really knew me ON Demand, and yeah it is an MTV Show, and no I don't watch MTV much, but it is in my humble view, a powerful show.
  • I am Joy Filled that though, it has not been a "perfect week" I can say I'm blessed and at peace.
  • I am joyfilled about the qoute I found, "God permits those things He hates to accomplish the things He loves."  Isn't that amazing!?